Neighbours!

[lou 26]

Not sure if im putting this in the right place but here goes anyway! its a long one sorry! I moved to my current address just over two years ago. In our back garden the fences are low and there are two gates into two of my neighbours gardens which they access to get to each others houses etc, I have no problem with that, they're very good and one even does my garden for me! and my 5 year old daughter has access to their gardens and helps with the gardening. All sounding lovely so far? My neighbours to the left of me have a 4 year old daughter. Last year her mother said to me that she'd found a solution to the problem. When i asked what problem she said they would be removing one of their fence panels (they bought them all new shortly after id moved in) so their daughter could play in our gardens whenever she wanted!!!!!! I immediately said thats not a good idea! why not put a gate there? at least it can be locked? as after all there will be times when we dont want each others kids in our garden and the other neighbours with access are elderly and im sure there are times they wont want it either. she agreed. Two days later I could hear an almighty noise outside and went to investigate. Next doors husband has been instructed to cut a fence panel in half so their daughter can see over (and indeed climb over whenever she bloomin feels like it) and so it can be taken out when our girls play together! I didnt get much say in the matter it had already been done and it is their panel! Last year there were occassions when their daughter came barging into our house while we were eating just because she could and noone told her not to! Shes also very unpolite and cheeky. There was also an instance where I took my daughter to my parents house to give me a break for a couple of hours, got home for some peace and their daughter was running round in my garden! ... cont

[lou 26]

Today my daughter and I had to go out. When I came home the fence panel had been taken out and THEIR daughter was riding round OUR garden on my daughters bike! Im so angry at the minute if i say anything I will go completely over the top! Im not sure how to handle it without falling out with them completely. The kids get on okish and are in the same class, her parents are related to almost everyone in the street so if i fall out with them i fall out with most of the neighbourhood. I do have to live next door to them and in other ways theyre good neighbours. Im too angry atm to sort this out without falling out with them and if i try the nice approach they get the hump anyway so i cant win.. what should i do?

[dunwerkin]

Oh dear Lou, what a sticky problem. This is probably not an ideal answer, but how about borrowing a dog for a couple of days? Maybe if 'your' dog strayed into your neighbour's garden, they might see the benefit of having a gate !!

[lou 26]

hahaha I like your thinking! definitely one to be considered! Its made me smile if nothing else! xx

[Ice.Maiden]

Coming into your garden and barging into your house uninvited is NOT on. Your neighbours maybe able to lower the fence - or even put a gate in, but surely you could put a padlock or bolt on it from your side? The best thing would be to approach your neighbours in an orderly way, and say that whilst allowing the children to play together, which might be a "nice idea", you also want your privacy, and don't want chilren having access whenever they feel like it. Sorry, but you have to stand firm.

[Whoever]

I think you really have to deal with this problem very quickly before it becomes a long-term fait accompli and a precadent has been set. Invite your neighbours round for a friendly discussion over a glass of wine and tell them that it really it does not make for good neighbourliness when people do not respect each others' boundaries. Tell them that you want the fence reinstalled and a joint agreement reached as to how you move forward, asking them to bear in mind that this breach of privacy can work both ways and that there could be certain times when they will want their own privacy and how would they feel if half the street suddenly came bouncing into their garden when they were in the middle of a family argument ? This unlimited access can also make all your properties less secure and vulnerable to unauthorised intruders, and your insurance company might also have something to say about this if the security of your rear garden access has been changed without you declaring it on your insurance form. It could even make your contents insurance invalid.

[lou 26]

thank you for your replies. Im still too angry to talk rationally to them at the moment and have been out all day so ive still not said anything. When they cut the panel in half (which was done before I had chance to say no) I did state that it was only to be removed with my permission, or theirs, whichever the case may be. They agreed. Not for one minute did i think they would remove it at their leisure for their daughter to do as she pleases, unsupervised too i hasten to add! There have been other instances when ive had to talk to them about their daughters behaviour and to be honest, they think she can do no wrong and make me out to be the bad guy in it all so I really cant see a way round this to sort it in a friendly manner! I know i cant allow it to continue though. I do wonder how many other times shes been allowed to play in my garden though and ive just not come back and caught them........

[Twenty20]

If this is their fence, then you are entitled to grow bushes, plant a hedge or put up a fence on your side to block it off. Maybe some nice holly bushes?

[lou 26]

i guess they just have a different outlook on it to me. theres no way i would allow my daughter access to their garden when theyre not in or havent given her permission. Makes me feel like though! lol

[teag1rl]

apologies if someone else has mentioned this, but I've only scanned the replies. But maybe it would be worth pointing out to them that the reason their daughter should not have unlimited access to your gardeni s that you, as the land owner would be held liable if she had an accident whilst in there. (this means you don't have to come out and say-"control your 'orrible child!")

[doglady]

Start wandering around your house naked and see if they like their daughter seeing that!!

[dunwerkin]

I just love subversive answers !! Have you got a shed? Could you move it to plug an unslghtly gap in your neighbour's fence?

Could you dig a big hole - its your garden, you choose where? !!

How about a nice big pile of manure - sorry, fertiliser ??

Perhaps you should offer a prize for the most outlandish suggestion?

[debbbie33]

dont worry about this you wont be the only one. discreetly ask about how other people feel. can you not build a fence on your side of the property. if not start inviting people round that are a bit cheeky and let them have free reign in your neighbours garden. and when they are questioned just say they thought it was fine as the daughter does it. we have had similar problems with our neighbours and it ended up pretty nasty with the police having to call. sorted now though just being civil. but it is very hard when you have kids.