Coroners

[bednobs]

I have been recently bereaved. As the death was unexpected and the cause is unknown, a police investigation is ongoing. The PM has not given any answers so far, but several complete organ and various significant other body parts have been retained for further investigations. The police inform me that these further investigations might well take a year or more.
An interim death certificate has been issued, which would allow a funeral. There are 3 choices
1) go ahead with a funeral now, and let the police/coroner deal with the retained parts when they have cmpleted the investigation (hospital incineration) 2) go ahead with a funeral now, then ask the funeral director to deal with the retained part when the investigations are complete 3) wait till the investigations are completed and then repatriate all the parts and have a funeral.

My head is swimming and emotions are overwhelming me regarding these horrible choices on top of the grief i feel i'm drowning in. Ha anyone been in this situation, and can offer me words of guidance/reassurance? How do the mechanics work if i went with choice 2 but the funeral was a burial? Lastly, can you just go and talk to funeral directors to ask for advice even if you don't retain their service or their services might not be needed for a year?

[LadyCG]

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. Grief can be so consuming
Personally I would go with option 3, but that's just me and we're all different.

Am I allowed to ask what relation the deceased was to you?

[jackthehat]

It must seem neverending, sweetheart.
I am sure any Funeral Director would be compassionate and give you their best advice even if you don't use their services....ever.

Sad to say, but most will probably have seen bereaved families in your exact position before.

[choux]

bednobs, please accept my condolences. I cannot imagine how the delay in being able to complete the funeral arrangements compounds your grief. I would suggest you contact a funeral director and ask them direct. I know that our family funeral director would advise us without charge but cannot speak for all. I am sure they will deal with your enquiries sensitively and helpfully.

[Vagus]

I would ring a funeral director and ask the question you’ve just asked here, about advice. They are very sensitive and will be as helpful as they can.
Personally, I would have the funeral now as I would feel a bit in limbo having to wait an unknown length of time, and allow the retained parts to be disposed of by the authorities in due course.
But that’s just my personal view.
I’m so very sorry for this situation you are in bednobs, and the overwhelming sadness you’re feeling, I wish I could offer words of comfort but I don’t think anything I say would make a difference. You’re in my thoughts x

[rockyracoon]

I’m so sorry for your loss Bednobs.

I would imagine none of the options are suitable, I know they wouldn’t be to me. Funeral directors, in my limited experience, have been very good at guiding people through the most difficult of times.

Peace be with you x

[woofgang]

Bedknobs what an awful situation for you. I am so sorry. Its a personal thing and you must decide what feels right to you but someone close to me was in this position and elected for option 1. Please don't take this the wrong way, and it may be different for you, but options 2 and 3 were going to cost considerably more and for my friend this was a consideration. The funeral director that they spoke to was extremely tactful and sympathetic.

[bednobs]

thanks, the parts that have been retained for further investigation are significant and contemplating a funeral without them is difficult, as is waiting 1 year+

[woofgang]

bedknobs the significant bit of anybody is their soul and spirit. The rest is just an overcoat.

[Mamyalynne]

I haven't had to make that choice, I have a friend who was in that position and he chose option 2 - I can only imagine the added heartache this has brought you x

[bednobs]

sorry LCG i didnt see your question at first. it is my 15 month old daughter.

[Zacs-Master]

In my personal experience, the weight of ‘the system’ will be shamelessly brought to bear so that you either run out of energy or can’t cope with the uncertainty. I’m sorry but that’s the truth.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh Bednobs, so sorry.x

[bednobs]

zacs i agree with you. on the night she died, the police ere sent both to our house and to the hospital, and made sure that me and my husband were not allowed to be alone, even as we were saying goodbye to her.

[Rosie29]

Dreadfully sorry bedknobs my heart goes out to you x

[woofgang]

bedknobs that's dreadful. I cannot imagine anything worse.

[Zacs-Master]

My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how you feel. I think the question is about how strong you feel i challenging the system. I wish I’d gone further but I didn’t have the strength in the circumstances. And that’s what ‘they’ bank on.

[choux]

I am so very sorry, bednobs.

[sherrardk]

Bednobs, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss and the terrible situation you now find yourself in. I’m sure any funeral director would be extremely sympathetic to your situation and talk through your choices with you and offer advice. I am truly sorry xx

[gness]

Bednobs, I am so very sorry for your loss. The advice you've been given about speaking to a funeral director is good. When I was in a similar but less traumatic situation with an unexplained death that shouldn't have happened I also found that speaking to the Coroner's office was very helpful. They were very kind by keeping in touch with me during the waiting period.
My thoughts are with you.... but as to when to have the funeral? I'm sorry I can't answer as I have never had to make such a heartbreaking decision.....Gx

[Zacs-Master]

I found the coroner’s office to be part of the system and I was met with procedural delaying tactics. I sincerely hope you have more luck.