Deaths

[carlos]

Last week I was told that a good friend of mine had died. I was shocked because he was only 26. Another friend, who lives in Australia, is coming over next week, and has mentioned going to see this friend, as we all haven't been together for a few years. Is there any way to confirm whether he is still alive? (I don't want to call his parents in case he isn't) He was born in a different town to the one he has been living in for the last three years. Thanks in advance.

[strozzi]

I would phone his parents. Say that you have heard he has died and ask them to confirm it. If he has, offer sympathy and have a chat with them, discussing memories etc.
If he hasn't died and it's just a rumour, they may well have heard it and share the 'joke' with you.
You may be surprised to know that part of the healing process for those left behind following a death is to be able to talk about it. His parents will want to be talking to people who new him. That will be so important to them. We all find it difficult to find the right words in this situation but we should say something. Silence just adds to the heartbreak.
Speak to them. You'll be glad you did, and they'll be glad you did.
Stay silent and you may regret it for ever.

[Miss Zippy]

I was going to reply along the same lines as Strozzi. When my cousin died suddenly a few years ago (he was 24), my auntie and uncle was very comforted by the number of his friends, many of them 'old' friends who he had lost touch with, who called and visited to offer their condolences and share their memories etc. If you feel embarassed about asking if he has died, just call and perhaps say that you've lost touch and don't have his latest address/phone number and take it from there.

[gilf]

Carlos, If your a little worried about phoning you could try a quick letter or postcard along the lines of 'Lost contact couldnt find phone number.would like to meet up, here are my contact details and see if you get any response, !st class letter would be there in a day.