Is The Teacher Being Unfair With This ?

[teen175]

Hi all!
I met a new friend at school and we are getting to be good friends (far as I can tell) anyways I had issues before with previous friendships not given them space etc ,anyways I learned from that. The teacher met with him and asked him if he had any problems with me hanging out with him and he said no. then she made a plan and she said we can no longer have lunches together and only can sit together once a week before school and we can say hi and have a small talk in the hall. We both had to agree with this ,Also she told me ,He is not ur friend ,you can only be friendly with him. She said we are teaching you too Personal space and limits with people. (he had some problems like i did but not with me ) is the teacher being unfair ? we are both in highschool

[Richard1966]

Seems a bit over the top, but it does depend on what you previous friendship issues were. You state that you didi not give people space, but i wonder what the effect of this was and how it impacted on the previous friend. Perhaps the school were involved and trying to protect you, the new friend and themselves from any further issues. Of course the simplest thing to do is meet outside of school.

[AlwaysConfused]

yes, this does seem a little unfair. Tell your teacher how much you have changed since your last problems, what you have learnt from it and how you plan to move forward with new friendships.

[teen175]

yes the school got invoiced and is now I have to stay away from the previous people. which I am now

[Mamyalynne]

On the face of it it does sound harsh - but remember the teacher knows you both, we don't.


Why not go with the plan for a while then ask the teacher if you can increase the time you spend with your friend a bit more.

[askmeanything111]

The teacher is being unfair. It's not the teachers job to choose how you and your friend want the friendship to be. Don't let her tell you that you guys can't hangout as much as you'd like.

[askyourgran]

I think your teacher wants you to take it step by step and not get involved too quickly. You say you have learned from your issues with previous friendships, keep remembering that teen175, and then maybe you could stay friends with this person for a long time.

[chanel5]

It sounds as if in your previous relationship you were making your friend feel uncomfortable but you didn't realise you were doing it. It is important that this does not happen again because it can damage a friendship so it might be good to take the teacher's advice and take things slowly, especially if you find it hard to realise when you are being a bit "over-the-top" with claims on the other person's time. Sometimes, especially when you are young, it is hard to know when a person is beginning to feel a bit pressurised by our constant presence, so it is better to make sure the other person gets enough space and that you don't crowd them. I would say, take the teacher's advice, because the teachers may know more about previous situations than you do yourself, and the teachers may be in the best position to make thing work for you and for your friends. i do hope you can get this sorted out. Good luck.

[factor-fiction]

Maybe your friend's parents have made a comment.
What sort of school is it- what age and is it a mainstream class?

[whiskeryron]

To be honest you attend school to study & learn from the school's curriculum, & although it is nice to make friends with people it is not really necessary in school & as has been suggested already you can obviously have your circle of friends outside of school, so I would echo the suggestion that you cool it & do as the teacher has decreed.

[Tilly2]

It seems to be a bit of a restrictive regime imposed by your teacher.....unless there is more to this than you are telling us.

[factor-fiction]

There is probably more to this than we know- and possibly more than teen175 knows

[factor-fiction]

Ah- teen175 can't respond.