Headstone inscriptions

[Dinger2]

My Dad was cremated 4yrs ago,I still have some of his ashes. When my Mum passes on she is being buried,at the moment of burial I would like to put Dads ashes in the grave with my Mum (I am also going in the same grave).Also I would like to have the gravestone inscripted to indicate that my Mam and Dad are buried TOGETHER. This is important to me, but is it legal? can it be done?

[Prudie]

My mother was added to the headstone of her husband who'd died 10 years earlier and she was buried in the same grave (this was all pre-planned when they were both still alive). A quick look round a cemetery you'll see lots of others this way.

[boxtops]

Yes, certainly it is. You need to make sure, though,that this particular burial ground will accept three burials in the same grave - worth checking, and making sure they know your wishes in advance.

[Skyline D]

Have the previous two respondents missed the fact Dinger is talking about a small portion of his dad's ashes and not an actual body for burial? Surely that doesn't count as "two burials"?

Is the question here "Can I put the ashes in the grave?" or "Can I put the name on the headstone even though it's only (some) ashes?" or possibly both?

The answer to both is almost certainly yes, unless ashes do count as a "burial" as Boxtops suggests and the lair is limited to two. I've seen ashes put into a family grave before. And the name was added to the headstone.

[coccinelle]

Have you considered putting your father's ashes into the coffin with your Mum?

[Nibble]

Having recently attended a similar situation, this is not a problem as the headstone should indicate your fathers death with date of death, but not inhumation, followed by your mothers date of death, which will be her actual date of inhumation. This therefore indicates that your father has preceased your mother, and is inhumed in this grave, with his wife/your mother also inhumed at her relevant date, which would then allow remaining room in the plot to be reserved for you in your time.

Hope this helps.

[Nibble]

As to the number of burials and inhumation within individual grave plots, these are usually as requested at the purchase time of the plot, as agreed between the purchasers of the plot and the council/cemetry authorities, which may be 2 burials + 2 cremations, or 4 burials + 4 cremations, dependant on the families wishes and financial status.

[Peter Pedant]

Surprisingly enough, headstone inscriptions ARE govenerned by law, and that is why you dont find many carousels with bells and whistles, coin operated of course in graveyards.


......killed by gross police negligence is also something you wont find

and so....your first stop should be the priest who is officiating
or the priest of the church in whose graveyard your parents ashes will be interred.

[Peter Pedant]

oh God and two burials for one body.
One only I have seen this rule strictly enforced
to that family's distress.

Check with the priest. I would have thought there is somewhere in a Missal, prayers to be ssaid over a grave or something
and you could get around it in some way.

and good Luck

[RATTER15]

As an ex Gravedigger/monumental Mason with a little experience in this line.

It will be down to your local council if buried in a cemetery or the vicar. priest if buried in a churchyard.

The text on the gravestone will need to indicate that one of the bodies was actually scattered and not buried, but there should be no problem burying the ashes in the grave, there are no legal requirements concerning the burial or scattering of ashes no my knowledge.

[RATTER15]

Last night at work (in a severe Dementia uni) we had a 89 year old lady fall on the floor (not uncommon) she complained of hip pain and there appeared to be a shortening of the leg, under such circumstances we call 999 immediately as per our First Aid Training. I was fairly confident that this lady hadnt broken anything but I am not permitted to make decisions under those circumstances.

In fact we are supposed to call 999 every time someone falls on the floor according to our First Aid training, in a severe Dementia unit we would probably be calling them out every day, as is the frequency of falls.

So I called 999 and an ambulance arrived.
On examination of the lady, the paramedic decided to try and stand the lady, she stood up and was just shaken and bruised.

The paramedic then said to me that if they can move their leg then nothing is broken and not to waste their time!!! I was furious at this and I pointed out to him that a lady sat in the same room had walked across a room with a broken femur and that recently a gentleman in our care had also walked on a broken femur, so I know what he said is wrong, the other Paramedic told me that we were certainly correct to phone 999 and every 999 crew that has attended in the past have also told us not to take chances as a broken hip/femur can be immediately life threatening due to the proximity of the femoral artery. I want to make a formal complaint about this, my manager is away at the moment and she is so lame she would not make a complaint as she is bone idle.

Would I be causing any problems by making this complaint off my own back in my own time?

I am so angry about his comments, I wont let this rest!

[murraymints]

Ratter...I would complain..after caring for FIL ..full time wuth Alzheimers I have had many a battle with so called professionals to get the proper care and attention for him...some places just are not interested if the patient is old...I could write a book about my struggles with officialdom right up to his passing !!!

[redman41]

My Grandmothers Ashes which were in a Casket were placed in my Mother's Grave above her Coffin.
I obtained permission from the Vicar to dig out and Slate line a space in the grave so I could bury the Casket neatly.
An inscription appears on the Headstone to indicate that my Mother and Grandmother are buried together.

[RATTER15]

I know exactly what you are saying Murray, it certainly happens, In general we have a good response from our Hospitals and GPs but not always but yes I could make a few additions to your book for sure.

[sardonica]

It is legal in Pennsylvania. I don't know if it varies by cemetary, jurisdiction, etc. Your funeral director can help with that. My father's ashes in their box were placed in my mother's casket to the far right, below where her feet are. The cemetary had an additional $200 fee for this, so the funeral director simply did not tell them in order to save us money.

But this has created a different problem for me. I am still trying to figure out what to put on the headstone which would acknowledge both of them without "giving it away." I rarely lie, because you end up in these kinds of situations. Maybe I will simply tell the cemetary and pay the $200 rather than contorting the inscription.

But back to your question . . . just ask a local funeral director and they can clarify the situation in your area. All the best to you.

[sardonica]

I was able to do this in the US, in the state of Pennsylvania. I am not sure who determines the policy - if it's a governmental jurisdiction or if it is up to the particular cemetary.

My mother was buried with my father's ashes placed in their box towards the bottom of the casket, underneath the blanket. Unfortunately, the funeral director did not inform the cemetary of this because there was an additional fee of $200 for doing this.

Now I am in the situation of trying to figure out how to include both of my parents on the headstone without indicating that my father is (illegally?) buried there. I may just tell them and pay the extra money. I rarely lie because you end up in these kinds of situations.

At any rate, I suggest you call a local funeral director and ask. All the best to you.

[sardonica]

Sorry for the aggravation of the double post - this is my first time on this site.