neil, nowhere have i said i don't have sympathy for you, i really really do. If someone told me i couldn't see my daughter, i would be utterly devestated. However " its not like they will need the money" No, but YOUR KIDS DO. The maintenance that you pay is not paying for visitation, it's paying for their food and clothes and housing You say it's not about the money but quite frankly, i don't really believe you, when you post about how you can't afford stuff because you are paying this - if you did have access, you would still be in the financial position wouldn't you? Your kids will ALWAYS need to be maintained by you (until they are adults) regardless of your relationship with their mother. If the kids have to accept a lower lifestyle because you stop paying, their mother will soon tell them whose fault it is, and that will hardly help your relationship with them. God forbid they are hungry because you don't pay - that's the sort of thing that kids will remember forever, even when they are adults. the mother sounds like the sort of woman who would say " sorry you can't have that Pair of shoes/new clothes/after school club/go to that party because your father isn't paying us any money" That kind of poison soon spreads and totally affects your relationship with the kids
You don't say where your stepchildrens father is, but does he help?