I am sorry you are having such a stressful situation. Normally during divorce (did you not have a solicitor?) all the marital assets and debts on both sides are put into a pot and how that pot is divided is either down to amicable agreement or if not then the Court will decide. They also take into account the length of the marriage, who has contributed what and what are the ongoing needs of both parties. So your caring for your son and his housing needs will be taken into consideration if you do end up in Court over this, which of course it is better not to as it can be very expensive. Your wife can apply for some of your pension, or a pension sharing order, as you can of her. The fact that you are the carer for your son will all be taken into account. I do hope you manage to sort it out and hopefully you and your son manage to get through it all and go forward to happier times.