What do I need to do, regarding my mum

[JBW1366]

Hi, just some advice needed. My mum is 80 and her health is not brilliant, unfortunately.

But i do everything I can for her, money wise, i sort out everything.

i do her shopping, take her everywhere she wants to go, and all hospital etc trips, whereas my brothers do nothing. They never visit, one brother hasn't seen her for years.

is there something I can do, so that I am in charge when the inevitable happens, (hopefully not for ages yet), and whilst mum is mentally ok.

So that i can be responsible for everything, she is in a council property, hasn't a lot of money, but i want everything to go smoothly no hassles with my brothers who i'm sure will come sniffing round.

thanks in advance

Jo x

[redcrx]

you mum is the one who needs to make any arrangements.

Perhaps she doesnt mind that her sons dont visit, and that the may come "sniffing around".

Maybe you need to have a chat with her

[buildersmate]

Has she made a will, naming you as the executor, and expressed any specific wishes she may have regarding what happens at that time?

[JBW1366]

No will, is that straight forward to do?

[grasscarp]

If you are the executor you cannot also be a beneficiary. I would say it is best to see a solicitor and do things properly.

[paross]

Hi Jo, know what you mean! Had the same problem last year with my Mum and my sister who lives down south and didn't bother to visit even when she knew Mum was dying! I was in the throes of getting power of attorney when Mum died, but whatever you decide, your Mum has to give her written permission for POA, and she needs to make a will about her money and possessions. I could write reams but won't, just don't let it get to you and give you clinical depression and antidepressants - like it did me!

[grasscarp]

Sorry, what I meant to say that the Executor cannot be a witness to the will (although can be a beneficiary). For that reason it is advisable to do ths properly involving a solicitor.

[Mamyalynne]

I agree wholeheartedly with Headwreck`s points.

Nothing to add

take care

M

[I.Don No]

when my mother in law was getting on in years I (I have no legal qualifications) drafted a will myself (she too lived in council property so no house to deal with) She told me who was to get what and that the rest should be shared amongst her children. I found the wording for the will on the internet and when the time came to use it all appropriate authorities accepted it with no bother. It took me just a few minutes to type it up, her a few minutes to approve it and sign it (witnessed, by 2 other people who are not mentioned in the will) and a few more minutes for me to make copies of the signed will and then bob's your teapot, all was well and I showed copies of the will to all the beneficiaries before the fact.

In order that you would be the sole person dealing with her funeral and estate you should be the only executor, but you should mention someone else who could do this job if you are not able to when the time comes.

However, you cannot account for what your mother may want to include in her will with regard to her errant children. The money and/or property is hers to leave as she wishes.

hope this helps

[poodicat]

Hi jo my mum died nearly 3 weeks ago,and the legal side of it can be quite daunting more so if she hasnt made a will which my didnt,if she is in a council property they do not give you much time to return the tenancy to them,unless you are interested on taking it on,legally your brothers are entitled to a share of any monies or assets that are left,as for funeral costs if your mum had some savings the cost would be taken from them or you would have to apply for government help which sadly doesnt cover all the costs if you want to give her a decent send off,then you will probably have other monies put by for paying up utilities,and alike nothing runs totally smoothly i am afraid!

[JBW1366]

Thank you all for you kind words and speedy replies.

Of course I will look after my mum, come hell or high water i will do everything she needs doing.

I will take her out when she wants to go, and where she wants.

When I feel the time is right I will mention a will.

thanks again x

[Batterseadog]

Hi Jo, I've just been through a similar thing and understand completely. A will is really important and you can type one out yourself, literally in her own words. Even if she really has no money, property or valuable possessions, she can talk about her wishes funeral, flowers, hymns etc. she can say that she wants you to handle it all and even talk about any little momentos she would like to give to individuals. She could talk of the possibility of losing her mental capacity and what she would like to happen there. This does not need a solicitor or cost anything. There is always one family member who takes on the caring task and you have to do it with an open heart and allow others' to do as little or as much as they feel right for them. That does usually mean s*d all and yes, they all come a running at 'd day' professing their love and grief. You will feel resentment of them at times, that's natural but try to let it go. Its a tough job you've got and at the end of things, you will feel proud that you did right by your mum and were a good and honourable daughter. When the time comes, your siblings will still have lost their parent and are entitled to their sadness and their own memories of their relationship with their mum. She is not exclusively yours. I used my phone and camera to tape mum talking and saying what she wanted, you can't get clearer than that and when my darling mum passed away a few months ago, everything was straightforward and I carried out her wishes exactly as she wanted them. This didn't go down well with some family members but I gave out a copy of the disc I'd made over several months and nothing could be argued about. Good luck, as was said by other contributors, spend time, really talk, laugh, hug, take pictures and create memories... oh boy how you will miss her when she's not there.

[KARL]

Speak to a solicitor about drawing up a power of attorney - there are in effect two distinct types. A Power of attorney relates to financial matters where the attorney's actions are binding on the one who grants the power, but his/her powers are not in themselves diminished. A welfare power of attorney only comes into effect once the person granting the power becomes incapacitated and then decisions about treatment, care home choice, etc. are in the hands of the attorney.