Please help me. Please.

[worried123]

I was recently banned from a well-known highstreet store because the person i was with shoplifted. I knew it was happening hence why I've been banned too. This is really cutting me up as I have had a very good education, go to a very good uni and want to get a very good job. Plus, I'm absolutely horrified at how immoral I was prepared to be. To be embroiled in something like this is entirely out of character for me and I think I might now be suffering from some sort of depression as a result. My friend got banned and interviewed by a policeman in the store but it was made clear that neither of us had criminal records. On the sheet I signed it says I am banned for life from the 'store'. The address of the store is referred to in the top hand corner. Is it safe to say it is just this particular store then or does it mean all shops in the company? I'm literally shaking with nerves as I write this. It's just so difficult cos I know I deserve it but I'm too ashamed to tell anyone. The security guy said that in 12 months I could write in and ask for the ban to be lifted but I'm scared to do this in case they tell me explicitly that I'm banned from all stores in which case I'd have to tell people. The incident happened about 6 months ago and it's eating me up inside partly due to the legal practicalities of it and partly due to my feeling of deep shame. I'm not being melodramatic; this really is how I'm feeling. There's no one I can talk to about this and I'm currently trying to apply for work experience in marketing or PR but am worried that somewhere along the way this issue will be brought up - my worst nightmare for me would be to be given a project dealing directly with this highstreet store (I'm scared to say the name but it's very well known, and literally everywhere). Any advice, legal or otherwise, would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

[lajohn]

have you heard of being an accessory to a crime? why are you feeling so guilty if deep down you feel you did nothing wrong?

mamjet and lucy thomas will be along soon to shed their legal expertise. have faith. all will be well soon.

[BillySugger]

Not sure if this helps but a friend of mine is banned from our local Tesco's for being drunk . He can go in other branches though .
It might be an idea to contact your local citizens advice bureau . They are free & confidential & would certainly know the legal standpoint .
not sure if this helps either as we all have our own feelings but what you have described will have happened to many many people .

[terambulan]

Am trying to think of which store is soooooooo vital that I would be so affected by being banned. Can't think of any!

I think your conscience has got the better of you......forget the incident and shop elsewhere.

I get fed-up with shopkeepers and their inflated prices.....they're the biggest thieves!

[Sir Alec]

Even though you condoned your friends actions, you were not prosecuted, so don't have a criminal record. If you went into another shop belonging to this company, they wouldn't know who you are, especially if you use cash. Using a store card or credit card may bring up details on their computers, but I doubt it.

[worried123]

Thank you for your comments. It's just such a horrible situation because I know I did wrong so deserve anything I get, but at the same time feel like I sort of fell into the whole thing without realising it. I've talked to my friend and he thinks I'm being completely paranoid. I just fear the unknown but then I'm scared to investigate further in case my worst fears are justified. It's a well known cosmetics/toiletry company. So do you think it's not like they'll be checking CCTV in every other store do you? Having read the sheet over and over I'm almost positive that I'm right that I can go into other stores. How long do shops keep their CCTV anyway? I just feel like I won't stop feeling guilty until the whole incident is wiped from everything!

[terambulan]

Worried123.....it really is not worth worrying about.....the shop has insurance against loss and theft and will not bother with hours spent looking at CCTV unless you had raided the till, held the manager hostage and kissed his favorite female staff member.

Put it behind you and move on......you have a lot worse/better to experience thru your life!

[Ethel]

This happened recently or six months ago?

In any event it is only the store specified.

You say you have no one to talk to - how about the friend you were with at the time, or the University pastor?

[lajohn]

or Village Vicar. yer whatever happened to your riding partner in crime?

[gina32]

do you think it maybe a good idea, to bite the bullet and to get in contact with the manager of the store and explain things, he may well be sympathetic to you, or you are as down as you say over this go and see your doctor

[lajohn]

do you need some zantac or antidepressant? let me know i will write you a prescription.

[warpig3]

Worried123, sorry to be harsh but you need to get a grip! You need to draw a line under this, the only thing that is punishing you is you. You know you did wrong by condoning your friends behaviour and you are paying the price.

There are two options open to you:

1) write a letter to the store manager explaining your remorse and how you feel and hope that he/she looks on your plea favourably; or

2) Learn by this experience and get on with your life. No one is coming after you, the police have not arrested you, they will not view any CCTV footage in other stores etc...... Basically the sh*t has been scared out of you (and rightly so) but you must look at this objectively, you are paying the price via your consicence, that is enough.

I was caught shoplifting when I was 13yrs, I stole a pencil and was promptly put in a police jeep, taken to the local nick, cautioned and my parents phoned. This scarred me for many years but eventually I got over it. We all make mistakes, thats all part of life, but dont let this one rule yours, learn and move forward. Perhaps also take a closer look at who you associate with.

Best of luck
warpig

[sara3]

I'm with Warpig. stop punishing yourself. you did a silly thing but you have no criminal record. you've obviously learned a huge lesson and now you have to let it go.

if I were you I would write to their head office, explain how this has changed you and could they please consider lifting the ban.

either way, you can't keep beating yourself up over this.

[worried123]

Do you think then that there should be no problem with future employers or anything? Are there any fields that I now can't go into like law, which is another option (stupidly enough) that I am interested in. I'm just the most stupid person there is! God knows what I was thinking. Thanks again for all the advice.

[warpig3]

Worried123, you dont have a criminal record, this is between you and the store, thats all. You need not mention it anywhere or to anyone if you dont want to (and I wouldnt).

[bazigi]

Dear worried 123 I think that if you wrote to the shop manager(ess) asking fo a short meeting to humbly apologise they should realise your sincerity and lift this ban. Don't wait until the year is up though, do it now as this will show willingness on your behalf and remove a great weight from your shoulders.
Good luck and all the very best,
bazigi.