domestic assualt - what sentence can i expect

[phoebe2k10]

I have been with my husband for 21 months and married for 7 months. We have been having a lot of domestic arguments in which he hit me, abused me. In addition, he is very jealous and posessive. I have never reported it to the police cos I love him and he has been trying to change but th stress of unemployment hs taken its toll.
We had a argument in which he attempted to choke me and put a pillow over my face. He also smashed glasses in our home and I had a minor cut. I called for an ambulance cos i did not know if the cut was deep or not. The ambulance arrived with the police and he was arrested.

The police convinced me to give a statement on what happened and in my statement, I insisted that I didn't want him charged, taken to court or jail as I believe he would respond to counselling or anger management.

He was still charged anyway and brought before the magistrate court. I was informed that he was charged with ABH and was remanded to wormwood scrubs till the hearing in a week's time.

I really don't want to lose my husband cos he is all i have, I love him, he has been trying to keep his stress and anger under control and I know he would respond positively to counselling and anger management.

What sentence can i expect and will i be allowed to visit him in wormwood

[Booldawg]

Harsh as it may sound I'd spend this time trying to get your head around living a life without him. Choking you and putting a pillow round your face is attempted murder not ABH.

[B00]

I don't doubt you love your husband, but he clearly doesn't love you. No one who loves somebody would do the things you've described to them, no matter how angry they are and no matter what "stresses" they've got heaped on them.

I know it's not the answer you're looking for but i really hope he does get a sentance and that he recieves help before he kills you or someone else.

[Nosha123]

I think you need to wake up and smell the wafting aroma of coffee here! He is beahving like this because you are letting him!
So - do you wait until the next argument... he'll be in a bad mood and depressed cos he has no job.. then you will say something to upset him and WHACK...
Do you really want to live your life in fear of what he will do?
You have to find the strength to leave...

You say you dont want to lose him cos he's all you have.. was that his decision too! Have you slowly cut off friends and family cos he wanted you to?

This is typical violent marriage behaviour! Leave now while you still can!

[zbearspirit]

Phoebe. First and foremost you must realise the events you describe place you as a high risk of being murdered. Your partner has harmed you in a way that is unimaginable to the ordinary person in the street. Whatever excuse he has used to assault you in this manner makes me suspect you are in danger. Your are not allowed to see him while the case is going through the Courts. He will be assessed by the Probation Service and they will make a recommendation for sentence in Court. They will recommend a Community Order or a Suspended Sentence with a Domestic Violence type programme to try and rehabilitate him. I find the fact he placed a pillow over your face disturbing any longer and you can imagine the headline. 'UNEMPLOYED MAN, MURDERS PARTNER IN A FIT OF RAGE THEN MURDERS THE CHILDREN AND HIMSELF' Whatever decision you make you will need to seriously consider your own safety and the safety of your children.

[jackthehat]

There are many husbands and wives, or co-habiting partners, on this forum, who will have dealt with 'stressers' far worse than unemployment..............and not a single one will have sunk to the depths of behaviour of your husband.

"I really don't want to lose my husband cos he is all i have..........."

I suggest that you let the law take its course and use the term of his (hopeful) imprisonment as an opportunity to seek more things to positively fill your life rather than spend the time wallowing and missing a man (?!) so little deserving of your time and affections.

[sara3]

you need to get some self-respect and improve your self-esteem.

do you really think this is the best you deserve?

[Whoever]

All the previous posters have given you some very sensible advice. I think you now need to reflect very seriously how you want your life to go forward. You say you had lots of serious arguments before he attacked you and didn't call the police. I think you have had a very lucky escape - possibly with your life. You are deluding yourself that this man will come out from remand and suddenly turn into a non violent saint who has suddenly lost all his possessive & jealous traits.
Step back for a moment and ask yourself what would you advise a close friend or family member to do if their husband treated them like a punch bag? I think you know the honest answer.
You say you love your husband. He certainly doesn't love you if he behaves in this manner. I would seriously recommend you leave him to stew in his own juice, do not attempt to contact him, and see a solicitor immediately to get an injunction taken out preventing him from returning to the family home when he gets out from remand.
Thousands of other husbands have also suffered the stress of unemployment. They don't go bashing their wives up, trying to choke them and smothering them with pillows.
Get out of this relationship now before he seriously injures you. You are worth better than this.

[cherrychapstick]

he is all you have ?? how long have you known this guy where did you meet ?

you have been together less than 2 years ,what did you do before you met him? i would suggest you went back to it leave him rotting in prison and get yourself a life!! believe me he isn't worth worrying about HE TRIED TO KILL YOU!!! you could be dead now and what do you think he would be doing if he got away with it probably lining up his next victim

harsh i know but seriously get the hell out of his life

[brenda]

phoebe -- do you never read the papers or watch tv news to be aware of what can happen to you in this scenario. you have had a very lucky escape, you do not get many chances like that .Next time your partner flips you may well be dead.I do not know if you have children , but if you have they could end up dead as well.
Get an injunction against him as has been said, pack your bags and get out of there, you are in the most serious danger possible . So get going whilst you can.

[Canary42]

If you seriously think the relationship can be made to work after all that has happened, then you need urgent counselling to that end.

Contact someone like Relate

http://www.relate.org...n-problems/index.html

well before your husband is released and get proper professional advice. Trying a DIY solution will NOT work and is a very dangerous course to take for all the reasons already given in this thread.

Good luck, whatever route you take.

[al1623]

he'll get 2 years
. dead on. trust me. he'll serve only half and will be able to apply for tag as long as he has an address to go to he'll do 5 months on it so should only serve 7 months but if you want to visit him hell make it out to be your fault and the future will be bleak to say the least.

[beso]

Your life depends on you escaping this violent psychotic man who has already tried to kill you. As you would want to believe he can change he will not. Men like this NEVER accept responsibility. In fact he will have more reason than ever to want to punish you because he will see you as having gotten him in jail.

If he is all you have then you would be better off with nothing. But you can have so much more. You can have friends and a loving partner. But while you keep him in your life you will have worse than nothing.

Please get immediate professional help to make a new life somewhere as far away as possible. You say you having nothing else so leaving the area should not be a problem.

You can have so much more in your life. Start packing right now.

DO NOT visit him in jail. He is already lost cause. Never ever contact him again.

As you said "What sentence can I expect". Have no doubt. You can expect a death sentence if you remain with him.