What will happen?

[Lisa_Barry]

My ex-husband was violent, to me all through our 16 year marriage and started attacking my daughter from age 8. He tried to suffocate her with a pillow 2 times, threatened to stab her with the broken end of a 4 foot wooden martial arts staff. Tried to strangle her, held her out of an upstairs window, all of these were whilst he was saying she didn't desearve to be alive. He attacked her and her friend after going to get another martial arts staff. He threatened to stab me with a screwdriver, He threatened to punch his 2 year old son for crying, none of the offences were reported at the time as he used to smash my phones. We managed to go into Womens aid in August. Both of us have given statements to the DALO (domestic abuse liason officer), My worry is he will get away with everything he has done? He is fighting for full custody of my 3 children. I don't know whether to give a statement about the time he raped me, i am so scared.
What can i do?
please help

[sara3]

do the Refuge staff not offer any counselling or support?

[redcrx]

didnt the friends parents report it?

[Lisa_Barry]

The refuge has offered some help but cannot tell me the legal stuff, and no the boy's parent didn't know about the assault, the boy is giving evidence against him

[ummmm]

He won't get custody so don't worry about that.

[redcrx]

the friend didnt tell his parents?
has your ex been charged with anything?

highly unlikely he would ever be given custidy of children, especially as your daughter can testify what he did to her

[brenda]

You stayed with him for 16 years ? Are you right in the head?

[bednobs]

i find it hard to believe that no matter how downtrodden you are, this person tried to murder your daughter on more than 2 occasions yet you stayed with him and didn't report this

[ojread2]

charming replies Brenda and bednobs - I suggest you actually read something about battered women. for some even the threat of a child being killed is not going to work on them to leave, in fact it can have just the opposite affect. For goodness sake she posted for help, not derision. You might get a basic understanding then of why Lisa stayed for as long as she did

Lisa, it is highly unlikely your ex will get custody. Contact your local CAB for help and best of luck

[brenda]

My response to the original poster was not made in derision I assure you, it was made with incredulity and anger.
I am well aware of the difficuties involved in the leaving of an abusive partner, but find it astonishing that in all this time no-one was there to help her.
Amazing to me also is the fact that family , friends, neighbours, school, little friends and their parents, GP were never aware of 2 attempts of murder, suffocation, rape and continual violence in that home for 16 years.
I do wish the poster well, and understand how scared she must be.But surely unless she is prepared to tell all to the police, she is still exposing herself and children to risk, and that i think is what she should do.

[Lisa_Barry]

I stayed with him because he told me no-one would believe me and he would get the kids. I was abused as a child by my mother until she died when I was 21, she used to beat me, broke my arm, pushed me down the stairs, threatened to break my legs with the power of thought when I was 7, I was sexually abused when I was 5 for 6 months by 2 girls who were 12 and honestly thought this was how life was meant to be. My father tried to kill my mum on several occasions and we kept moving.
I have reported the rapes my ex did and feel much better, all I want is for him to be jailed. I know I should have left him years ago but it is easier said than done, he controlled every aspect of my life, kept me pennyless and unabable to leave.
Thank you to everyone who has posted. My lawyer says he shouldn't get custody and the child protection team have said if he gets visitation they will stop it.

[dh001]

Hi lisa,

Any experienced crime investigator and Crown Prosecution Service Lawyers will understand the situation you have described, which is a very common pattern in repeated and serious cases of domestic violence.

A good organisation to speak to in confidence is the The National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV.org.uk), who will work closely with the involved agencies and can help victims obtain Emergency Civil Injunctions, usually free of charge.

ncdv.org.uk
0844 8044 999
(or text NCDV to 60777 and they will call you back).

Sorry its a short answer but please ask if you have any questions.