Charge been changed!

[confused]

Hi all
been informed today that my ex charges against me have been changed from common assault to assualt and battery!
Does anyone know what time means exactly and what difference it makes to sentencing?

Thanks

[northernmonkey]

holding knife against your throat, is enough for a deffo custodial sentence and because there is such things as assault / battery - I would say that this is something which is on-going and you don't appear as though your going to walk away for good before he seriously hurts you, and I only say this because from what you say upto now he has no respect for you and has no regard for your safety.
I hope for your sake you follow the advice from everybody and dont allow him in your life anymore, once he gets a custodial sentence (if not already happened before)use that time to move away and start a new life without your safety being at risk as you shouldn't and most importantly do not have to put up with Domestic Violence. The police, womans aid & other organisations are/can and will help you in starting again and moving away from him, but you need to stop all contact with him, and dont have anything further to do with him. You mention about help for him, well if he's prepared to get help then he can do, but his actions of violence towards you, will always carry on regardless of what he says to you. Might not be for a few months, but at some point will happen again and he will plead with you for another chance and give excuses and promises same as before. Please walk away

[confused]

I understand what you are saying but it is so hard im really struggling i miss him so much and still love him. Im not eating, sleeping, cant stop thinking about him and how he is etc it makes it even harder coz everytime i look at our kids i see him and they are asking where he is! Yes i agree we need time and space apart and I know i sound mad but if we both got the help we needed i think in time things could work out! Yes i hate what he has done and it will take a lot of work and time to resolve but im no angel ive done things to hurt him in past and he has forgiven me.
I just dont know what to do anymore this situation is killing me i just want to be happy family again is that so much to ask for?

[ummmm]

So, are you saying he done this because he eventually snapped?

[confused]

I guess so. We all make mistakes ive made plenty, but surely if we can get help and learn from them then we can possibly become better people. We all deserve a chance dont we? I cant help the way i feel in a way i wish i didnt feel like this things would be lots easier! I just feel that we have gone through so much to not even think about trying to resolve our problems - anyway he might not want to dont know yet!
I know some people might think im mad and maybe i am, i just want to be happy again is that so bad?

[ummmm]

No it's not bad.

Everyone has a breaking point. We are human after all. I'm not condoning what he's done...by no means...

You say all you did was have a go all the time....my fella would snap if that was the case here. Although he (I don't think) would never hit me, especially put a knife to my throat. A few doors might get broken though.

It's a pointless task though unless you can also change your behaviour.

Plus you have three very small children....that's a lot of pressure.

[confused]

Yes as much as we both love the kids its very hard work having 3 kids under 3yrs - we never seem to get time for ourselves, once kids are finally asleep we both too exhasted to do anything. Plus the fact that im suffereing from depression and anxiety and he is struggling to understand it, theres lots of pressure on us both and weve just muggled through but theres only so much you can take i had my breaking point and ended up in hospital on mental unit and i guess he has had his (i hope) and no im not saying what he did was rite im just saying i think help is needed and time and space for us both to heel and sort out issues out so we can at least be the best parents we can and maybe in time we can learn to love, trust and respect each other again!

[ummmm]

It seems that he has snapped in a different manner to you.

It's not acceptable though. Are social services involved?

[sunsetter]

I don't know how to put this so I will put it as I see it, I know 3 women who have been through very simlar experiences to this and none have been like this. why because they have been so scared, so totally scared of the men who did it to them. I have to ask this confused but I don't think you have had a knife held to your throat have you? I have no idea what has gone on but for a couple of nights I have felt this way so I feel I have to ask? I am so sorry if I am wrong about this.

[confused]

Yes social services are involved they not being very good though - they said if there is anything i need just ask and they will sort it out and the 1st thing i asked for i had to beg for it over and over again. Also yes i know they want to make sure kids are safe i understand that but they wont let kids dad see them even though im happy for him to - they said it can take 2 months to sort out! I have to say im not impressed with any of the so called support out there none of them have helped!

[ummmm]

Do you have any help with the kids?

[northernmonkey]

I understand it's hard for you to actually walk away and shut him out of your life. But the reason I told you to do so is mainly due to the violence invovled between you + him, and the concerning circumstances making the whole situation give you more and more reason(s) for you to feel that it's something worth looking at how can best be resolved. But you mention kids, which depending (age ect) could be a long term effect on them, both, surrounded by violence and their lifes being completely changed around if you move house/school and don't have anything to do with your b/f and them having no contact with their Dad.

But you can only look at everything both good & bad and make the best choice for everybody invovled and could be effected but I do wish you the very best of luck with whatever you decide and if you can, keep everybody who's gave their advice informed of how everythings going and what you decide ect

Take care, and I hope in some way, something I've said has been useful to you.

[confused]

Thanks northernmonkey thats sweet and yes your help has been usful as has all the comments from everyone but unfortunatly i have to try and make the choice myself by yes looking at all the good and bad points and trying to do whats best.
The kids are 18mths and twins @ 2 1/2 and 8yrs old.
I have to wait and see what happens in court and what sentence he gets as i believe i cant withdraw charge now! That scares me i dont want him to end up in prison - i dont understand how that is helpful for our kids!

[ummmm]

So you have four kids?

[sunsetter]

confused did he put the knife to your throat?

[ummmm]

Why would she lie?

[confused]

Yes but my eldest stays with her grandad during the week and stays at home weekends and holidays - long story

[ummmm]

I understand long stories....been there and all that.

[sunsetter]

she has not answered the question, she will have much worse to answer in court so once again i ask you confused did he actually hold a knife on your throat?and did he mark you?

[ummmm]

Like I said....why would she lie?

[sunsetter]

heat of the moment? wanted him gone? because he was nasty to her? revenge for him cheating i don't know but something don't seem right here