Can A Father Who Is Running Late

[tinkerbell23]

From work nominate someone to collect his child from the mothers and mind them untill he arrives home?

[sherrardk]

I am playing devil's advocate. If you are on parenting duties then you are on parenting duties. Can't expect her to play ball about the late pick ups (however justified) and also be happy about dad not doing his full role because he is at a party.

[sherrardk]

Oh, and I made those comments based on a birthday party (she might have other reasons for being a bit angry if it was his engagement party), x

[tinkerbell23]

Lol yep ... I agree she did sherr lol. I really am gratefull for opinions!!

[joko]

well i bet the fact it was his engagement was a factor in it that time - perhaps she wanted to ruin it a bit

depending on the circumstances of why they split, i can understand why she'd want to ruin that

[cassa333]

Engagement party or not, a bit late home from work or not she does not have absolute control of the child as it is his child as well.

It seems to me that she is behaving in a very childish and petulant manner. The father is, from the details, not an absent father and is involved in the childs life.

As would be expected he was celebrating a happy occation and wanted his child there. So he got a bit carried away and time slipped by! So bloody what? The child was probably having a good time as well!!

This mother is setting a bad example to her child. Not only is she showing her nasty side (perhaps it is her natural default.... who knows) she could possibly be turning her child into a hateful and spiteful person.

Like so any people that have split she appears to be rather bitter about it and is punishing him by being somewhat unreasonable.

If, for instance, they had remained together and she was away visiting friends and he had to pick the child up from school and he was running late it would be reasonable that he ask a family member to pick them up. There would not be a problem. Now, suddenly because they are no longer together she has decided that isn't good enough and he has to be absolutly accountable to her demands and nothihg else matters.

Nasty, bitter, petulant and downright childish behavour from the mother.

If I were him I would go for shared custody.

[tinkerbell23]

She found someone new x

[tinkerbell23]

Just going for something in writing to say basically that on his time he does what he wants. Aslong as she is safe xx

[bednobs]

i don't really understand that tinks.

[tinkerbell23]

Hey bednobs hope alls well!

Understand what? Xx

[bednobs]

hello :) I suppose i'm coming at it from a dfifferent angle - if you were the mum and the dad didn't come in person to pick up your children but instead sent a friend or family member, would you just let them go? For all she knows, the dad is NEVER going to come home from work, and the kids might be hours with this other person. I think i would be rather squirmy about letting the children just go with someone else. Regarding "his" time - i would peraonally say it doesn't start till he picks them up

[tinkerbell23]

I 100% appreciate your opinion i really do! And i understand what you mean.

Its not a regular thing has just happened once/twice with a new job. The "his time" is 2-3x a week and she says what he can cant do and where or who with etc.

Its all a big nightmare lol - with someone who could collect the child i really mean aunt gran or uncle not a stranger- xx

[sherrardk]

I have a friend who is separated from her husband. I have regularly picked her kids up from school, etc when they were together (probably got them from school more than he did when they were together). Last week he picked them up and two were supposed to go with him and one with me (then one changed her mind). He went off on one later saying she hadn't informed him of who was picking them up, etc. The whole thing can be a nightmare and someone has to play the grown up, not fair but the children have to come first, x

[woofgang]

tink I think there are two issues here. one is being late from work and in that case, I would think it would be okay to have set up in advance a reliable alternative (or more than one) who is known to Mum, school and child. after all, emergencies do happen and you need to have contingency plans.
The other situation is a bit different and yes I would expect a Dad in those circs to put child well ahed of engagement party or any other social event, especially if he knows that his ex is being....difficult shall we say?.....because that just gives her ammo.