Son Has Ran Away 130 Miles To Fathers House : (

[Smowball]

Hello. To cut long story short my son and his step father have not been getting on at all - and 90% of the problem has been my husbands fault. I had to go out on Sunday morning and left son watching tv - when I got bk 3 hrs later he was gone. My husband had been home and son had told him he was going to shops. After calling and calling his mobile he eventually txt to say he was on a train to his dads - 120 miles away! he doesn't see his dad from one year to the nxt and never hears from him. I have full residence but have spoken on phone to son and he is refusing point blank to come home, and wants to stay with his dad permanently.

I am devastated and do not want this at all. His dad has anger issues and many other problems which is why we split up. I really do not want to go down the legal route as it is so stressful for all, and I don't want to alienate my son but just don't know what to do. Son keep saying that I cannot physically force him to come home. Please - any advice?? xx

[Barmaid]

Can you talk to his father and see if common sense will prevail? That, I think is your first step.

You need to contact the school since the Education Welfare Officer will be knocking on your door fairly soon because he is not attending. You need to talk/write to his father and explain that if he is going to live there he needs to make immediate provision for his education.

Offer your son the chance to go to Family Mediation so that the differences between your hubby and son can be smoothed out.

I'd also contact Social Services and ask to speak to a Youth Worker to see if you can obtain some help/advice.

I would resist unleashing the hounds of law for a wee while. Once those particular hounds are unleashed, it is almost impossible to call them back. In any event, the Court is likely to give a child of 14 a say in the matter.

[tamborine]

Yes ummm, my kids will not run my life!

[ummmm]

So you'd be happy for them to go and stay with a man with anger issues and has shown virtually no responsibility towards his child/ren?

[bednobs]

Don't see why not ummmm - it's not like the son hasn't been living in an anger situation already.

[2sp_]

What a horrible time you must all be having, Smow.

If your son isn't responding to texts or phone calls from your husband, is it feasible for him (husband) to make the journey and talk to your son in person? I know it's a fair trek, but it might show your son that he's serious about trying to sort it all out.

Must be awful being stuck in the middle of it.

[Barmaid]

If you need a little leverage with his father, you could try quoting s444 Education Act 1996. His parents have a responsibility to ensure he is attending at the school at which he is registered and can be subject to criminal prosecution if not. The thought of a fine might help persuade dad to send him home. Just a thought.

[ummmm]

But Smow is there to defend him.

Regardless of the anger issues his father has shown no interest in his son. Not the kind of person I'd be comfortable with my child living with.

[tamborine]

You may not like it ummm but teens have their own will.

[Sqad]

From a male"s point of view.

For whatever reason, your first marriage was a disaster and if your son comes back to you, your second marriage will collapse.

What do you want.......your marriage or your son, as at the moment, you can't have both?

If I was your husband! I would ask the same question.

Get on with life and it will sort itself out, one way or another.

[ummmm]

Tambo...I have 3 children, 2 of which are teenagers, I know what they can be like.

[Smowball]

My son is my absolute priority. And I know he has been unhappy and I feel bloody terrible for that. Honestly believe that this has given hubby the wake up call he has needed and he is desp to put it right, but as somebody said on here - son prob doesn't believe that and I understand that.

[murraymints]

I think it's a disgrace........he is in your care ....and needs to be home in.

[ladybirder]

Poor boy, he's between the devil and the deep blue sea. Been there and know what it's like.

[sherrardk]

Is there anyone from his current school that could talk to your son? Form tutor or head of year that he particularly gets on with and respects their opinion?

[bednobs]

smow, if the dad is "happy" with the arrangement and son is "happy" with the arrangement, is it such a bad thing? I know you are unhappy with hte arrangement, but sometimes as parents, we have to be unhappy in order for our children to be happy. Of course, the ideal would be all parties happy, but that seems unlikely

[boxtops]

Snow, having seen your earlier posts in past months, I can't offer any better advice than everyone else is - but I'm sad for you in the situation in which you all find yourselves.

[cassa333]

Your son is 14 and at a stressful time in his schooling. He is getting grief from his step father whom he has no blood relation (very important disipline fact for children... Think classic "your not my father" attitude), a bolt hole in his natural fathers home and you have a perfect storm of hormones and testosterone fueled strop.

He isn't an adult and he isn't a child and has reacted in the only way he knows how and done a runner. Be glad at this stage at least he has a 'safe' place to go.

Is your husband really that bad or is it a teen strop? or a combination of both?

Barmaid has given you very good options and advice and these are your best starting point but I would also ask your husband to attend anger or parenting classes for step families. It is hard enough with your own children but others are a mine field.

[Smowball]

OMG! Ive just rang ex where son is. he has been to his local court this morn to get a variation on this residence order and is going bk this afternoon. Says they will grant temporary custody. Can he do that???