Separation And Children Question Please....

[merton69]

My wife has chosen to go down the separation path and has moved out of the home. I remain with our two children of 9 and 12.

When she settles in a rented property she wants to see them each week but the two children do not want to be part of her life anymore.

Will they be forced to see her or will their decision/choice be effective please?

What is the process please?

[Islay]

Their opinion will be taken into account, but as their father you should encourage them to keep lines of communication open with their mother.

[ummmm]

What are you saying to them?

[bednobs]

Absolutely agree with Islay.. Obviously we don't know the details of the sitution, and i presume at 12, you won't be able to force meetings, however, you should try to encourage it
(cue E coming long to talk about best interests)

[ummmm]

Kids can take some time to come to terms with their parents split. Their attitude may change in time.

[Tilly2]

Have a look at this, Merton.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/childrens-relationship-with-separated-parents-to-be-emphasised-by-new-law

[EDDIE51]

Not sure if it has changed recently but a child was deemed able to make their own mind up about which parent they wanted to live with from age 10.

[merton69]

Many thanks for your answers. I have said to them they need to see her but they don't want to and I am not going to force them as they are upset enough.

In their eyes she didn't do much for them and she has been away from them for a decent few weeks now and she hasn't bothered with them and that includes a birthday.

[EDDIE51]

They can't be forced to see her .
So leave it that they are welcome to see her anytime they want to.
If this gets to the family court they can only make one ruling and that is to do 'whatever is in the child's best interest'
If at all possible avoid it getting to the stage where it does go to court though. Far better to come to an arrangement between the two of you.
Possibly you all meeting up on 'neutral ground' at a park for example as a start?

[Peter Pedant]

sorry that you have got to this point Merton

I wouldnt go for private agreement with the wife
as it looks very obvious they will be broken or varied as the circumstances change

this I am afraid means lawyers - and I think you should get the judges involved in access orders altho it costs money, because

..... the interests of the children are paramount ( Children Act 1989 )

which I am afraid no one on this thread has chorussed

and I think you should go down that road
( I hardly ever say - go and see a lawyer )

[EDDIE51]

PP I disagree , I have family experience of a similar situation. Far better to come to an agreement between the 2 parties if at all possible. Solicitors charge £50 to £250 just to write a letter ( that was 7 years ago) and it is far from certain that legal aid will be available ( in fact it is virtually certain that it will NOT be available unless there is a chance of harm to the child)
Solicitors are in it for 1 reason only, to make as much cash out of the situation as possible!

[EDDIE51]

PP also read my reply at 22.17 on the 16th.
A family court has ONLY ONE possible verdict !that is >
' To do whatever is in the best interest of the child '
It is however up to the court to decide what those 'best interests' are.

[merton69]

All well and good saying see a Solicitor but I simply can't afford one as I am presently unemployed.

Any other suggestions to help please?

[ummmm]

As long as you're not bad mouthing her or influencing them I'd leave it to them to make their decision. Get her to phone at the same time each week to speak to them....and she can hear for herself that they won't come to the phone. It might change in time.