Mental Abuse...

[Jacklynn]

I need some help, I didn't know what to do so I thought getting some opinions from the outside may help. I've been reading up on articles about mentally abusive parents because my psychiatrist told me so, she even asked me if I was getting mentally or physically abused. I don't think I am. So, how do I know? He constantly degrades me, and he doesn't respect my mother at all. He treats us like slaves "grab my food, make dinner, clean the house now " He will be anxious and on end sometimes, then the next day he explodes, yells at me, makes me sit down and listen. And every time I feel worthless, and stupid. But the crazy thing is, he just starts being all lovey dovey the next day. Smiling pretending nothing happen! Is he just emotional? I'm not getting mental abused right? I mean it's not even that important.It's not physical so it shouldn't matter...

[Buenchico]

There's a summary of the law here:
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/what-is-coercive-control-and-what-types-of-behaviour-are-included-in-the-law_uk_5c765be8e4b062b30eb95d7d

[Barmaid]

Are you uk based? How old are you?

[Barmaid]

And never ever think that because it's not physical it doesn't matter. Emotional and mental abuse is often more damaging than physical.

[Jacklynn]

I'm not in the UK, but this is the only website I could find. And I'm not older than 18. I wish I was.

[Barmaid]

I'm a bit concerned that as a minor your psychiatrist is asking YOU to answer this question. And perceptions are different. Teens often dislike being told what to do. But it could be more than that. Also you are not responsible for your mother.

Is there a pastoral care officer or similar at your school or college to whom you could talk?

[Buenchico]

If you're in the USA, the laws in your country haven't yet caught up with those in the UK (or, indeed, those of many other parts of the world). There are no relevant Federal laws and only one state (New York) has proposed its own legislation again coercive control:
http://www.endcoercivecontrol.org/

There are plenty of people campaigning for changes to the law (e.g. https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/news ) but, to date, no real progress. Indeed, the references to 'coercive control' which were introduced on the US Office Against Violence to Women's website under the Obama administration have been removed under the Trump administration.

[Jacklynn]

Barmaid.. I think I might be exaggeration. But my psychiatrist told me that's just denial. I didn't even talk to her about him and she asked that question.
But my mother doesn't deserve to be disrespected the way she is being treated right now.. And I know we have them, but I'm scared to say something. He's a "loving christian dad who would do anything for his family. Never raises his voice etc." Which isn't true.. but I don't want him to get mad that I would talk to anyone about anything. That's why I came here...

[Mozz71]

I'm guessing you're school age Jacklynn? Have you spoken to a teacher or school councillor? They may be able to help.

[woofgang]

Can I ask how you got to see a psychiatrist? I mean someone must have noticed that you have problems?

[Jacklynn]

I do online school, and if I email my counselor it will go straight to my parents. So I can't do that. (I'm in HS and I also do a program called running start- college based classes during high school so you get college and high school credits. Do full-time running start you graduate with a HS certificate and your AA for college)

[Jacklynn]

I went to see because they thought I was depressed, which im not it was a thyroid problem so now I take that and I'm not depressed anymore. I stopped seeing her because I got on the thyroid medicine and I'm considered fine now.

[Mozz71]

It's a tough call. I know you want to protect your mum, so don't want your dad to find out how you feel, but you really need to talk to someone who can support you. Maybe your dad doesn't realise what he's doing, but that doesn't make his actions excusable. It sounds like he may explode at any time.

[Jacklynn]

Okay, but who would I talk to? I got no one...

[Buenchico]

Try a call to the Childhelp Hotline, to see if they can give you (or direct you towards) the support you need : (1-800) 422-4453

[Jacklynn]

Thank you guys, cleared up a lot of things for me