I Need To Track Down Some One But How

[BigRooster]

When a was 14 I was taken advantage of and abused but now I'm in my mid 50's I feel it's time to find them and I no they still live local and ask some questions.

Im not after revenge just answer's like why me was it my fault .

im only guessing how it might go but could do with some tips on being able to find them .

Yes I could get the police but like I say not after revenge just answers .

 

[Peter Pedant]

I am sorry this happened,

It is like tracking anyone down. If it is John SMith you are onto a loser, and if it Hilary Ponsonby goodbody SMythe then it will be easy.

You cd employ a private detective. Say you think he may be your father. This costs money

BUT - -  I think the money wd be better spent on counselling. Since you dont want restorative justice, you just want to feel better.

I was at this school when this happened

https://www.iicsa.org.uk/reports-recommendations/publications/investigation/ampleforth-downside/part-c-downside/background

and oddly enough, we discussed it at the time! and I dont think anyone has had problems ( PTSD) clearly Dom Anselm has the problem ( slammer 6 y) - it was the sixties and it was obvious to us that they er just wanted to do it....

I think counselling might help. 

[BigRooster]

Thanks Peter

[Peter Pedant]

I hope you find some peace

here is another blog address

https://scepticalthoughts.blogspot.com/2012/01/brother-anselm.html

This  is a bit of an eye boggler ! - My "issue" is that I know most of the actors/those involved - and you know they seemed like normal people. Most are my age, and the elder ones are dead. It all occurred 60 y ago. 

 

[Barmaid]

Altho this is not the question you asked you said you want to ask your abuser "why me" and "was it my fault".

Unless your abuser has undergone some form of damascene conversion, they are likely to tell you it was your fault and there was something you did that encouraged them. This will be lies and a world of pain awaits you.

Your dealing with this does not depend on them; it depends on you. It is very unlikely they will accept responsibility for their behaviour. Abusers rarely do.

My advice is to seek counselling as PP has suggested. 

 

But if you must find them a private detective could probably do it quite quickly on a desk top search.

 

 

[jno]

agree with Barmaid, you're unlikely to get the answers you want from an abuser; but even I can tell you: it wasn't your fault. A 14yo who's abused is not at fault. And worst-case scenario it will bring a lot of seriously bad memories back to the surface.

Better spend your money on your own well-being.

[Peter Pedant]

when we discussed it, none of us thought it was our fault and we concluded mostly that we were around at the wrong time. one or two were groomed so presumably the fella fancied them.

and I agree with the above: memories  of 50 y may bear little relation to what happened /what people were thinking

and HE of course will  hae uppermost: oo-er if I say  the wrong thing I will end my days in the slammer....

Look at the post office ( horizon ) amnesia all over  the  place!

 

[joko]

were they the same age range as you, or an adult?

if same age you will surely be blamed, told you lead them on,  even told they feel you abused them.
It may be that they were young & now regret it massively & are horrified they did it.

regardless, you will not get any proper 'answers' because there are none - people do *** things, & a child is not to blame.

There is also the issue that they most likely wont take kindly to you contacting them - they may have a LOT to lose by you bringing this up, & you - & your family - may end up in serious danger if they get scared you may expose them or blackmail them or something.
They may also be a dangerous person in general.

I guess it depends what actually happened, & on details.
A single awkward spur of the moment encounter, i dont youll get many answers.
But a prolonged period of manipulation etc, then maybe, but not ones that will help you.