ex partners emergency contact details

[MAMA KIN]

Am I wrong to ask for my ex-partners home phone number, even though it's ex-directory, for emergency contact when he has our 9 year old child? He says that only having his mobile is sufficient.

[seatrout]

surely having his mobile number is better than his home number. At least you can get in touch when he is out

[ruby27]

I don't think so, this seems necessary. The only reason I think an ex should object is if there is constant phone calls that are nothing to do with the child. Only you will know if they or you are the one that is unreasonable.

[MAMA KIN]

True, its better than nothing. However when our child wants to phone him, why should I let her phone a mobile number for 30-60 min at a time? I only contact him via text and only in reference to when he is next going to see our child, so its not as if I am going to stalk him. For peace of mind I want his number, after all mobiles break and not everywhere has a good signal.

[dietcoke]

u should 100% have every contact detail available when he has your child. as long as u only use it when it is to do with the child, then he has to comply. if not, tell him she told you she doesn't want to see him anymore. his choice

[MAMA KIN]

Thanks, however I want my ex to see his child more often (at present on average less than 20 days a year since we seperated 3 years ago) and don't want to say that she doesn't want to see him as this is not true. All I want is for him to be more co-operative. I have told him that he can't see her untill he does provide his number. He then got solicitors involved about his access rights (though I have sole custody) and stopped paying me maintenance (claiming he has put it in an account for her - this is not the first time he has done this). So because of his stubborness/stupidity he is neglecting his parental duties.

[ojread2]

And you refused contact until he had 'seen the error of his ways'?

God how I hate women who do this! 20 days a year is better than nothing and you have a mobile number and you know where he lives. If it was an emergency and his mobile was out of signal, broken or just switched off you would still be able to get in touch with him/your daughter.

To refuse contact because he refuses to give you a land line number makes you much worse than the stubborn you are accusing him of being IMO

[flip_flop]

You sound like an extremely reasonable person, and therefore I wonder whether having a friendly chat with him might help, particularly if you promise to only call him on his mobile and will only use the land line as a last resort (he may have a new partner he doesn't want you talking to!).

Also, bravo for dismissing dietcoke's suggestion out of hand. What diercoke was suggesting is disgusting and despicable - somebody refusing a child access to their father as way of getting their own way absolutely stinks.

Let's hope dietcoke never has children with somebody she subsequently splits up with.

[flip_flop]

OK, this is a lesson learnt - I should read the whole post before I submit a post.

So you did refuse contact just because he didn't give you a land line?

Then you are as bad as dietcoke.

What you are doing is punishing your child by not letting her see her father - and that's good parenting is it?

[MAMA KIN]

Sorry flip flop, should have been clearer about why I have said no temporarely to access. 1. This is not an unreasonable request, if I only let him speak to our child on my mobile he would never call as opposed to the once a week call he currently makes. 2. He HAS STOPPED PAYING MAINTENANCE. 3. He only sees his child when it suits him and expects me to drop any plans already made at short notice to accomadate him. If he wants to be part of our childs life, which I hope to god he does, then its time he started acting like a Father. Finally, (sorry for the rant)we are getting of the point. From a legal stand point, do I have a right to his phone number?

[Yorkie580]

From a common sense point of view I would assume that having a mobile telephone number and his address would satisfy any emergency contact conditions. It would certainly satisfy contact conditions from a criminal law point of view. He has a right to privacy and could argue that he doesn't want his home number disclosed. Does he have access rights? If so then could end up in court if you refuse him access without legal backing. If you claim that he isn't paying maintenance then again you need to deal with things legally rather than just taking things into your own hands or it could degenerate. If you want a formal approach and organised visiting you need to take proper legal advice. Please don't tell your child that their father doesn't want to see them just because he won't give you his home number - I know of case where this has been done (not necessarily out of spite for the child - but it's the child that suffers. Good luck for everyone�s sake - ESPECIALLY you child.

[Yorkie580]

More on the other page...

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question 460082.html

[Twenty20]

"I have told him that he can't see her untill he does provide his number."

So, you've stopped a child seeing her father just because he wont give you a particular phone number?

It does sound like you're the one being unreasonable here. I'd say, with his address and mobile number, you have enough contact details.

I think perhaps you have other issues here which you seem to be throwing into the equation but which are separate. Making an issue of the lack of a landline number seems a little trivial.

[ojread2]

Fathers, and mothers for that matter, do pay maintenance in order to be able to see their child - the 2 are a completely separate issue as is the cost of a phone call

Many mobile contracts come with free minutes. Why would you stop him calling your land line if you are trying to do the best for your child? If you did that you would be worse than he is and just using the child as a pawn, which you seem to be doing already anyway.

As I said before, 20 days per year is better than none at all. If you tell him he can't see her just because you can't have his land line number that makes you worse than him

For goodness sake this a child involved here not a bloody stereo to fight over.

You have no right to his number - you have one already

[MAMA KIN]

I am not trying to stop him from calling my landline. in fact I welcome his calls. I am trying to find out if I have the right to know his.

[Meg888]

How did your child respond when you told him/her they're not seeing dad as he wont give mum what she wants?

Did child agree? Stunts like this by people like you make me sick. You have his mobile number, you have his address - if in case of emergency you can go to his house - yes? If in case of emergency and he is not home you can ring his mobile - yes? What is your problem?

My guess is you cannot move on and therefore use your child as a tool to interfere in every aspect of his life - "All in the interests of the child of course"

My partner has an ex like you - she does exactly the same thing - and then we're the bad ones for getting solicitors involved - YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO STOP YOUR EX SEEING HIS CHILD - WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE TOOK THAT RIGHT FROM YOU - CHILD IS NOT PROPERTY - HE / SHE BELONGS TO BOTH OF YOU

From a legal point of view - you have his address and a contact number - you have no legal right to his landline

[MAMA KIN]

Meg888 - you obviously live in a place where mobile coverage is great and your ex is just the other side of town - unfortunately I am not so lucky. My ex lives about 3-4 hours away (a place I have never been too) and I live in out in the sticks. He doesn't always reply to phone calls on his mobile deaspite his daughter asking him to call her back, me and my partner then have to spend days calming her down constantly making excuses why he hasn't called her back. Please don't make a snap judgment about "people like me". You have no idea about how manipulative he is. Don't you think that it makes me sick, hearing my daughter ask why her Daddy is always mean to me? And why does Daddy not want to see me? Why Can't he just do as he is told? Is it because I am naughty? Knowing that this excuse of a father is not doing what he has legally been requested to do. Why should I lie to my daughter? She even asked her Dad for his number when for her address book/mobile phone (Befor this situation was instigated) and he said "Mums Got It" then gave her his work number!. The loving caring man that I am supposed to entrust to look after my daughter didn't even invite her to his wedding (number 3) saying to her that it was only for "close family and friends". If your own flesh and blood isn't close what is? Why should I let him have access when he has stopped paying maintenance and gave up all custody rights when we divorced? Why should he choose when he wants to be part of her life (this coincidentally ties in with his annual report period so he can play the family man card and impress his boss)? And I make you sick? You might want to meet my ex, he'll make you hurl!
And one final thing - the question I asked was "Am I wrong to ask for his ex-directory number?" I hate as much as anyone seeing a kid being used to get at the other parent. I am trying to make it easier for my daughter to see/speak to him, not the other way around.

[Reverandfunk]

mama pay no attention to the self righteous

I think due to where you both live asking for a landline is not unreasonable. Any half decent father would offer you his number as a means of communicating with his child.