Where is my Mother-in-Law?

[lhb88]

We are caring for my mother-in-law. A month ago we contacted social services & asked for help as we were struggling to cope (they said they would visit but didn't). Last week she fell & chipped a bone in her arm. Monday we took her to the fracture clinic where they plastered the arm because she wouldn't keep a sling on. On returning home my husband & I were trying to get her back up the steps to the house when she suddenly slumped in our arms pulling all three of us down the steps. She cut her leg which a paramedic put butterfly stitches in in our home (rather than try & get her down the steps again). The ambulance crew wanted to take my husband as he has 2 existing slipped discs & was in pain. I agrivated my tendonitis. We phoned social services who said that they would step up our carer from 3 mornings a week to every morning and evening (to get her up & to bed) for a while. On Tuesday it was clear that this wasn't working. She was very wobbly on her feet & neither my husband or I was in a physical condition to care for her. We asked for emergency respite care & that evening (after a visit from 2 social workers who were more concerned for what she wanted than what we could physically give) she was taken to a nearby respite home. We dropped into the home on Wednesday & gave them a lot of info as social services had told them nothing. Relatives have gone to the home today to visit her only to be told that she is not there, social services have moved her & they say they don't know where. By the time we found out it was too late to get hold of the social worker. Care Direct say they don't have any notes saying that she isn't in our home. We don't know where she is, I have medication for her that I told the home I would drop in. As my husband is her next of kin, can they move her and not inform us where she is? Sorry the story is so long but as it is the w/e we don't know our rights or where to start to find her. Thanks

[Ethel]

I do hope you've found your mother-in-law by now. It would be comic if it weren't so serious.

I can only suggest you ring the local hospitals and nursing homes.

[lhb88]

The relatives that were visiting tried this yesterday and they won't say anything (even the home we know she was in). The relatives suspect that she is still there but why are we being denied access to visit her?

[Mr Veritas]

I apologise if the following answer seems odd,but it was something that just crossed my mind.I am 86 and my wife (Elsie) is 85,so we have had some (few thankfully,as we are in good health) dealings with Social Services.
Generally,Social Services will believe whatever the elderly person says(even if the person seems belwildered and not too "with it").
I say this because I wonder if your MIL has become vague,and what with her injuries the Social Services have decided that you (or other relatives) are abusing her?We know that this is wrong,but the Social Services don't,and they have only youe MIL's opinions to go on.
Think of the scenario:~
MIL has injuries.They ask how she got them.She mentions her Son "falling" on her.I am afrais that Social Services may have decided that she was " at risk" and prevented any family members from seeing her?
As I say we know that this is not the case,BUT if Social Services have added MIL's injuries to her account of how she(thinks) she got them that might be why they are "hiding her"
I hope this helps,by putting another train of thought in you head.My idea may be rubbish,BUT at least it's another road to go down?

[lhb88]

We have wondered this but there are plenty of people at the hospital and the paramedics to say that her own account was that she slipped in the street and hurt her arm. One of the social workers that visited did say that it sounded like she had dementia and that they would arrange for an assessment. Bearing this in mind IF this is what she is saying (and I wouldn't put it past her) should she be relied on as credible? If we were told that this was the reason we would be able to defend our characters and could stop trying to find her and attempt to speak to the social workers on Monday. As it is we are racking our brains trying to think what to do next. As it is they ignored my hand written note with her medication and dosed her as per the boxes (the doctor had changed the dosage in the meantime) without questioning the discrepancies and actually managed to give her tablets to both make her 'wee' and to stop her at the same time! To leave us in the dark like this is a slap in the face after all we have tried to do for her. We now have all our relatives looking at us for an explanation.

[brenda]

what an awful situation for you to be in , you must be worried sick.
I think Mr Veritas has a lot of valid points in his reply.

From my own experience I have experienced Health Professionals and Soc.Workers,asking a person with severe dementia questions like "how are you getting on?",or "you getting enough to eat ?", and then acting on the reply.When in actual fact the person doesn't know what planet they are on , because of their illness, never mind if they have had enough to eat!

I am not suggesting that your MIL has dementia , she may just be confused about things, and Social workers do havea duty to protect the vunerable.It may be that MIL has told someone that she doesn't want to see you all, and that would be seen as her wish.

DoesMIL have a designated Soc.Worker? Could that person help.

I really hope that you are able to make progress on this and locate her , and that she is safe and well.

The sincerest of Good Luck.