Marital Problem

[Goody2shoes]

I have been married for 30 years with 2 daughters, 1 still lives at home. My husband goes out drinking every weekend and rolls in with his mate in the early hours often waking everyone up when they come in. The mate stays every weekend dont get up til lunch time then I feed him and he goes home. When my other daughter comes home I dont want him staying because it means the girls have to be squashed up in 1 bed while the mate is as snug as a bug. My husband thinks we're being unreasonable and we've had big bust up over it now no ones talking to him. I think he should apologise but he says the house is in his name (its a housing association property and he is the actual tenant but we are down as living there) and he can have who he likes staying in his house and is threatening to change the locks. What can I do legally?

[andy-hughes]

Are you sure you want to go down the legal route?

Surely a better approach is to try and resolve the situation from a family perspective first - unless you want to bring in legal advicce, which is going to put a serious crimp in your personal relationship, as well as upheaval for all the family.

Try and talk to him, when he is sober of course, and explain that you feel his first responsibility is to you and his family, and it's not fair that you are extending hospitality to his friend at the expense of comfor for your children, and time and effort for you in feeding his guest.

Can he not go and stay at his mate's place at least half the time to spread the burden?

It sounds like he is being very defensive when he feels you are dictating to him - obviously you are not, but perception is everything in these situations.

Try having a chat and reasoning with him first - if that fails, and you do want to pursue a legal course of action, your first call should be to the Housing Association for a chat with them, and some advice on how to proceed.

[Goody2shoes]

Thank you Andy. When I said legally I meant is he allowed to change the locks in the family home not sure what I could do if it came to that? I've had that conversation with him about putting the mate 1st but it just ends in a big blazing row! You are right he doesn't like me telling him what he can and cant do. I'm beginning to dread weekends I suppose the answer is to kick him out but the bastard wont go - totally fed up with the whole situation

[andy-hughes]

I think you should approach the HA and explain the situation - it may be that they are sympathetic to you and the children staying, and him going - named tennent or not.

If they are unable to assist, your next stop is the Citizens' Advice Bureau.

[brenda]

Could you perhaps just for once arrange not to be there one friday with your daughter,so that you get a break from their arrival , and you are not there the next day to feed either of them.Perhaps a friend could help you.
Feel that you are being put on in this situation. How old are your daughters?
Check with HA , never really heard of a married couple being classed as just living there .

[pink-kittens]

I rent with my local HA and my partner is listed as 'living there', he is not responsible for the rent - I am because I am the tenant

I think your husbands attitude stinks. Why on earth should his mate get one of your girl's bed? The mate should get the sofa at the very most!