Phrases you never hear in a James Bond film

[vehelpfulguy]

This was on "Mock the Week" last night and was very funny.

Can anyone else come up with phrases you would never hear in a James Bond film.

Some examples from the TV programs were:

Here is your car Mr Bond, a Ford Focus.

Blofield (to Bond): Have you ever kissed a man Mr Bond.

Sexy lady (to Bond): Is it meant to be that floppy.

Any more?

[OBonio]

Moneypenny : James, we have 300 letters from the CSA here for you.....

[buttchester]

"Oh, dear. Bond's dead."

[warpig1]

Goldfinger to Bond: Mr Bond I am going to shoot you dead right now, I am not going to tie you to a table with a laser beam directed at you because you just might escape.

[China Doll]

Bond: Martini.... stirred, not shaken.

[suffragette]

Bond: At the weekend, I'm known as Janey.

[natalie_1982]

The name's .....erm..... sh*t .....what's my name again?

[soozmac]

sorry, Bond, not tonight, I have the painters in.

[Homer55]

Bond to sexy girls "so then ladies how do you fancy a threesome"

[natalie_1982]

lmao @soozmac

"Not tonight James, I have a headache"

or

"Are you nearly done? Corrie's on in five"

[andy-hughes]

Bond - "Could you get a move on love, I've got work in the morning ...."

[Joe Shmoe]

Bond : "Why doesn't anything exciting happen in my life?"

[natalie_1982]

Touche Andy

[Rumford]

Hello, my names James Bond and this is my friend Sandy. Nice to varder your jolly old eke again.

[Backdrifter]

Good news, Bond - you've been promoted to head of department in recognition of all your stirling work. No more life-threatening advetures for you - just committees, paperwork and meetings. What a relief, eh?

Or:

Bond, I've meaning to ask you for the last 40 years - how come you change your appearance (and nationality) every few years, while remaining approximately the same age? Just wondered.

JOB ADVERT: Evil genius requires drone-like henchmen to push buttons, study dials and carry clipboards in secret hi-tech lair. Early death almost certain. Identikit jumpsuit provided. Apply to The Sub-Aquatic Base, Near Large Volcano, The Pacific.

[marwel7]

Q,here's all the equipment you gave me for the last mission in perfect condition.