Wots ya fave old joke

[curvybird]

Mines, bloke goes 4 an interview at a buildin site,interviewer asked 'can u make tea?' then asked can u drive a fork lift ?' bloke sez ' why, how bigs the teapot ?

[legendis.god]

bloke fones work and says







i cant come into work





im sick





















boss says




how sick are you ?�?









guy says



















im in bed with my sister












is that sick enough ?�?�







lol

[no-knowledge]

why do russians wear asbestos underpants ?

cos chernobyl fallout.

[ja-mac]

no no ... like that 1

[ja-mac]

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor that�s full O� coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'

[Stephen_G]

Here's three of the shorter ones I know.

Did you hear about the Magician who got bored pulling a Rabbit out of a hat? He pulled a Hare out of his ar$e instead!!!

Police are warning clubbers in Yorkshire to be aware of a new drug craze. People are injecting amphetamines straight into their mouths. The phenomenon is called E BY GUM!!!

Q. What does a guy with a twelve inch d1ck have for breakfast?
A. Well this morning I had a cup of coffee, toast and a bowl of cheerios.

[craft1948]

ja-mac that is excellent ........lol

[lilsecret]

THE MIND OF A CHILD

A little boy walks into his parents� bedroom to see his mom on top of his dad, bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

[Kidd72]

Brilliant lilsecret, Ive not heard that one, old fav of mine was.

What did the the leper say to the prostitute?











'You can keep the tip.'

[gelda]

An Irishman goes for a job at a blacksmiths.
The blacksmith says to Paddy 'have you shoed a horse before ?'
Paddy says ' no but I've told a donkey to fcuk off!'