Here We Go Again.

[Rondy]

The hardest part of a long distance relationship is persuading the wife to move away.

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I once had a fling with a woman from my fencing club.
It was a rather sworded affair.

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I'm looking to buy an old disused lighthouse.
You know, nothing too flashy.

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I paid a chap to do some house clearing , when I came back from work my house had gone !

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One evening I was in a bar talking to my friend.

"Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.."
"Did he get anything?" asked my friend.
"Yes," I said.
"A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk!"

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My mate just phoned to tell me he had changed his name to spinal column.
"Can I call you back”? I asked.

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Went to the doctor today and asked him; Do you treat alcoholics?
We do, he answered.
I said; Great get your coat, I’m skint!

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Last time I was in Paris they were filming an underwater version of “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.
It was called “Ringing in the Seine”

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My mum and dad were dwarfs.
All their lives they struggled to put food on the table.

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Awful news from my mate and his wife on honeymoon in Croatia.
He's just sent a text saying that tomorrow they're going to Split.

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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."

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[Patsy33]

Love 'em!

The one about the sworded affair, cut me up! 😆