need some honest advice please!

[lauratwentyeight]

so i wrote this poem and sang it and i need someone to tell me gently if its embarressing and needs deleted but please dont be horrible im fragile lol! tell me before its viewed too much lol many thanks!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP_3rPsTr8I

[MarkRae]

You sing your own stuff much better than when you try to do covers. D major is a good key for you too...

[lauratwentyeight]

so mark is it a keeper lol? im really unsure i feel sick at the thought that its embarressing u know lol!

[seadogg]

Like your voice. Nothing to be ashamed of in this at all and it's yours.

[Laelia]

laura, can we read the words to that? Sounds nice though!

[MarkRae]

There's nothing wrong with it. I would suggest, as before, that you find yourself a vocal coach who can sort out your breathing and phrasing and then a songwriting partner.

[lauratwentyeight]

the words lol

A kiss thats silent cannot speak to tell
the fraction of hunger from each and every cell
combined are thoughts of shadows and lights
the guilty only share when they cannot sleep at night

so i can try to be anything............

[lauratwentyeight]

yeah mark thats good advice! i have been meeting one or two ppl for writing but nothing clicked yet! and as for vocal coach i cant afford it lol

[Mick-Talbot]

It's not embarrassing at all, I would probably cut out a few of the 'lol's in your replies though.

[Zacs-Master]

When you find someone you can write with its wonderful. The words and music just flow.

[yogi-bear]

Morning Laura

Shame you removed the video as I would have liked to have heard and see it for an opinion. The good people here seem to have enjoyed it and gave you good advice.Good luck to you. x

[Hopkirk]

Like Yogi, I am very disappointed not to be able to hear your poem.

Pity you removed it.

[andy-hughes]

I could have given you a professional opinion - why not think about re-posting your video?

Of, if you are shy - send it to me - [email protected]

[Canary42]

PUT IT BACK and then I will be able to offer an opinion.

[ELVIS68]

Yeh, put the thing back on and some others while you're at it.


Ps Don't forget the D major!!! Pmsl