ChatterBank4 mins ago
Is This Good Poetry/songwriting? If Not, How Can It Be Improved?
5 Answers
This is a poem:
Vulnerability
Does the word scare you?
Shake your head all you want-
even children are frightened of it
Why else do monsters under the bed terrify them?
Well, you say, it's a monster
it's meant to be scary
But why conjure it up in the first place
unless the real fear is the vulnerability
that sleep brings.
And this is a song: (first verse, post chorus, chorus, in that order)
Might have been a rose but you let me die
Might have seen the end but you made me stop
All the other ones got to see it through
Me, I sit at the bottom like it's the
top
And i can just hope
that one day I'll break free of your chains
All i can do is know
that one day there'll be a change
So watch for it do yourself a favor watch for it
It'll come when you least expect it
And until I'm ready to act on my words
I'll keep playing with your mind
Till i come I'll wait on cloud nine
Till i come I'll wait on cloud nine
By the way, these were written by me when i was 14 so be lenient in judging hehe. But don't shy away from telling me what's wrong with this poem/song so i know if i have improved any or not, because my poetry and songwriting still seems the same to me.
Vulnerability
Does the word scare you?
Shake your head all you want-
even children are frightened of it
Why else do monsters under the bed terrify them?
Well, you say, it's a monster
it's meant to be scary
But why conjure it up in the first place
unless the real fear is the vulnerability
that sleep brings.
And this is a song: (first verse, post chorus, chorus, in that order)
Might have been a rose but you let me die
Might have seen the end but you made me stop
All the other ones got to see it through
Me, I sit at the bottom like it's the
top
And i can just hope
that one day I'll break free of your chains
All i can do is know
that one day there'll be a change
So watch for it do yourself a favor watch for it
It'll come when you least expect it
And until I'm ready to act on my words
I'll keep playing with your mind
Till i come I'll wait on cloud nine
Till i come I'll wait on cloud nine
By the way, these were written by me when i was 14 so be lenient in judging hehe. But don't shy away from telling me what's wrong with this poem/song so i know if i have improved any or not, because my poetry and songwriting still seems the same to me.
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Ah so i see a couple people are confused :) Np though. The first bit of writing is a poem. The second is a song. In the last paragraph i typed poem/song to indicate i wanted people's opinions on both. Reread the post, it says above both pieces of writing which is a poem n which is a song. Oh n thank you leslishambly :) i'm glad you liked my work. To those of you who don't, please tell me why my words just aren't doing it for you too, so i can improve. I'd like to think i have by now, but like i said already, i find my thought process n writing to be the same now as it was when i was 14.
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