Should the mother of this obese girl be punished?

[EvianBaby]

http://www.dailymail....utdoors-6-months.html

The reports of her weight are speculative but it's obvious this girl has huge problems and she will be lucky to make it to her mid twenties. It's incredibly sad that a young girl is not able to live any kind of normal life, especially as she seems so well liked.

Of course it's the girl who choses what food to put in her mouth but reading the details and looking at photos of her younger years, this is not a new problem.

Should parents of children like this be punished for what I consider is effectively abuse?

[daffy654]

I do have pity for her because you can tell that she never chose to be big in childhood, she could have moved away as a teenager and stayed away but her mother wanted her home so she could be a carer. The mother then immediately gave her fish and chips almost as soon as she stepped off the plane.

[EvianBaby]

Flip flop, I often feel no sympathy to adults who have allowed their weight to get out of control. In fact sometimes it downright pees me off. But there are two factors to consider here.

Firstly as China suggests, the mental state of some people. In the same way an anorexic has something in their head that tells them to starve themselves.

The other, well that's nurture. This girl has clearly been over fed from a very young age. If you grow up with that it's got to be incredibly hard to change your mind set. This girl did in fact show that she could do that but she had to change her entire environment, leaving the country to do it. When she gets back home to mum it all falls apart again. The mother has raised her to cope with life by eating.

[pastafreak]

It's not just over feeding...it's what she was fed with. Current research is showing that wheat and sugar based foods-most junk food-has components that make it addictive..triggering the same parts of the brain as narcotics. She has been feed a rubbish diet from a young age-control of her food and her future was taken out of her hands from the beginning.
The only way she will experience real change is to be removed from that environment.

[Baldric]

Yes, in my opinion she is a feeder and is guilty of child abuse.

[ummmm]

You can't tell how big they will be by looking at toddler pictures. My OH's nephew was so fat he couldn't smile. My sons best friend was pretty much the same. They are both (20 & 16) very slim...

Is it a form of child abuse? Hmmm...No. It's very bad parenting.

[EvianBaby]

You can probably take an educated guess that they'll be overweight if you feed them huge amounts of junk food.

[boxtops]

I'd like to see it as a child protection issue

[andy-hughes]

I feel that this situation is nowhere near as simple as labelling it as 'abuse' and looking at 'punishment'.

There are clearly deep-seated psychological issues at work here for parents and the girl involved, which feed - if you'll pardon the pun - on each other.

I believe this behaviour can only be seen as a crime when a law has been broken, or a genuine social tabboo crossed, and I don't believe either is the case here.

As a society, we tend to adopt an unsympathetic view towards obesity, tending towards a self-blame and lack of control, neither or which adreess the problems. These attitudes in turn stem from our fundamental dislike and distrust of obese people, which tends to increase their issues, rather than address them.

So no, help and a little empathy rather contempt or punishment are what is needed here

[grasscarp]

The mother has no idea of healthy eating. In one sentence it said she was being more healthy by frying her own chips now! It also said that there was a problem as they couldnt find healthy food in the shops. Sounds like excuses. The mother must have known what she was doing by this constant stodge diet. Daughter not been outside in 6 months so it was all brought in to her. Mother deserves to feel guilty as she clearly is.

[andy-hughes]

I think the danger here is to assume a level of intelligence and awareness on the part of both the mother and the daughter that is simply not there.

Assumptions that the mother has acted this way out of some misguded notion of care, or even more sublte, that she is making sure her daughter remains dependent and close to home, i believe are wide of the mark. These notions suggest a sophistication of thinking and planning which is simply not feasible.

What you have here is people of low intelligence who are acting without any thought about the conequences of what they are doing. These are people to whom 'things happen' and they have little or no ability to control their situations, or to think logically about solutions to issues.

That is why we should offer a degree of sympathy, and hope that proper support and care are forthcoming for both.

[hc4361]

Punish the mother, pile guilt on the daughter, daughter continues to overeat to prove it's not her mother's fault....

[andy-hughes]

This girl will continue to eat because that is what she does. It has nothing to do with diverting blame or feeling guilt, it is simply the way she lives - unless she gets some support and guidance, she will eat herself to death.

[Mick-Talbot]

I feel nothing but contempt for parents who feed their kids crap.
It is all habit forming, if you let them, kids will eat crap all day long.
Idle selfish parenting.

[andy-hughes]

Mick - or untrained unsupported ignorant parenting - which is not at all the same thing?

[Mick-Talbot]

To be honest andy, I have no idea what you mean by your last post.

No one trained me on how to be a good parent. I go to great lengths to make sure my kids eat healthy food. If I allowed them they would live off crisps, biscuits and micro chips. (something I was allowed to do as a kid )

How many kids eat sprouts ?
Not many at all, mine do, do they like sprouts ? Of course not but they love the sprout packed gravy that goes on their Sunday dinner (obviously they do not know the sprouts, cabbage etc are in there )

One of my children things he doesn't likee carrots...yet he loves my tomato soup .......yep it has more carrot in it than tomatoes.


Like I have said 'idle selfish parenting'

[EvianBaby]

Andy, aside from the fact I am sure they have received plenty of help and guidance in the past being of low intelligence does not mean you can't tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy. I'm fairly sure anyone in the world would know that an apple is healthier than a bar of chocolate and when you can see your own child rapidly growing in front of your eyes yet you decide to still fill them up with chips, I fail to see how that is down to lack of intelligence.

As per my initial post, I do have sympathy for this girl. But I feel her mother is entirely to blame.

[andy-hughes]

I think we will simply have to agree to differ on this one Mcik and Evian.

Mick, i did not wish to infer that parenting is a result of 'training' in a formal sense, but it is a matter of learned behaviour coupled with the willingness and ability not to simply take easy options and allow situations to get out of hand.

I maintain that the mother, and daughter both, have no real idea about consequences of actions - how could they, and allow this situation to develop.

It is very easy to take the moral high ground from a basis of intelligent thought abd objective reasoning, but i still maintain that pelnty of people in this world go through life equipped with neither, and they deserve some support and sympathy from those of us lucky enough to know what out choices and responsibilities are, and the the ability to take control of our lives, and those of our children.

[woofgang]

What andy says...in these circs you have to wonder what kind of upbringing the Mum had herself...you can only learn what the folk around you teach.....

[Mick-Talbot]

You can put it down to intelligence andy, I maintain it is down to laziness .

[Mick-Talbot]

There are many, many smokers on AB andy ....are they all lacking intelligence ?