Dilemma

[Barmaid]

My oldest friend (and mentor, ex boss, person who set me on my career path, and whom I love dearly) is 50 in a few weeks. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for him. The plan is to have a lovely meal in a hotel near their home "oop north". It will be adults only.

My difficulty is that it is Mr BM's birthday that weekend and it is also a contact weekend. It is not fair on No 1 step son (given his issues) to leave him with a babysitter and not fair on the babysitter either.

So the choice is either I don't go or I go alone.

I'm torn. On the one hand it is Mr BM's bday. On the other it is my mate's big 5 - 0 and he really is a close mate. What would you do?

[ummmm]

Go alone and celebrate his birthday either before or after.

Loads of people don't celebrate their birthdays on the actual days but on the weekend before or after.

[craft1948]

If it's not a special birthday for Mr BM I'd go to the big 50 do alone.

[knowabit]

I would go to your mates birthday.. he will only be 50 once and it is a special occassion. I'm sure your other half would understand, mine certainly would. We don't really make a big thing of birthdays anyway so he prob would not care. I think if you did not go you would regret it xx

[Psybbo]

I'm afraid you must go, explain to Mr BM, that it's a chance to have some quality time with his son and you'll treat him on a non-contact day xx

[Mamyalynne]

I agree if Mr BM is understanding and agreeable - go alone. He and his boy can have a 'lads night' in and you and Mr BM celebrate the weekend after.

[McMouse]

Don't know much about these things, but could the 'contact weekend' be deferred?

[mccfluff]

go alone

[craft1948]

I think going alone to parties like this is often preferable to taking your partner. You don't have to worry about them not feeling included, or not understanding 'in jokes' and office gossip.

[cazzz1975]

I agree with sibton!

[Sqad]

\\\ The plan is to have a lovely meal in a hotel near their home "oop north". It will be adults only. \\\

Have you been invited?

If you haven't........no problem...stay at home.

If you have....you can't go can you!

MrBH doesn't know your oldest friend....does he?

I would be truly p1ssed off if my wife took me to another guy's birthday do on MY birthday..............what would YOU say if Mr BM took you to HIS oldest girlfriend's birthday bash on YOUR birthday?

This question is a non starter.

[rockyracoon]

I'd go to the 50th and celebrate Mr BM's birthday another day.

[gness]

I would go to the friend's birthday..alone. Then..... to make it up to OH and just for the sheer fun I would book a night in a lovely hotel for his birthday treat....undies to make his eyes sparkle....really special fizz....and.....well the rest is up to you and your imagination. ;-)

[ummmm]

Sqad - read the question again. BM is not suggesting taking her partner with her. It's either she goes alone or doesn't go.

I WOULDN'T have a problem if my OH met up with his oldest friend (and mentor, ex boss, person who set him on his career path, and whom he loved dearly) It would be a no brainer...

[Sqad]

ummmm....thanks.

So now we have the situation where, on MrBM's birthday, BM goes "oop north" to the birthday thrash of ..........her oldest friend and mentor.....???

Is Barmaid serious?

[friedgreentomato]

Go alone and celebrate him indoors later

[friedgreentomato]

What's up sqad should spend her day kneeling at the altar of mr bm? Wise up

[ummmm]

Yes, she is serious. I would celebrate Mr BM's birthday either the weekend before or the weekend after. No big deal :-)

[Flyhalf]

If I were in Mr B's position, I'd urge you to go to the 50th, and celebrate my birthday on another day.

[Essell]

Either way you will feel guilty. Ho hum. What does Mr BM say? I couldn't go to the 50th, unless persuaded to by Mr BM.

[friedgreentomato]

If MrBM is a miserable sod - stuff him and go on your own - you'll have a better time!