Mmm, I see.
I think "hard border" means people stopping goods crossing the border and checking whether tariffs where appropriate have been paid (or promised). (And a lot of other detail which I don't know or understand)
However, as we don't yet have such a "hard border", and everybody agrees that it is essential to avoid it, then in order to avoid it it is essential somebody create one to avoid
Now having pepared the ground we can now avoid a hard border. But only if we accept the Backstop which avoids the hard border which we haven't got yet but will have when somebody creates it.
(I think that's clear. Maybe not)