An unnamed spokesman from an unspecified source says that Boris was frantically signing the foreign aid cheques whilst the virus was seeping under the barred and bolted doors. One of the cheques was for about a £squillion and was to be used to stop the Chinese eating too much salt. Next week there is going to be an even bigger one persuading them not to eat bats. Meanwhile back in the real world where deranged scientists with "skin in the game" are back under lock and key(some in their Mam's spare room) instead of being encouraged to argue the toss in public, and a common sense movement wrestles control back from the control freaks, we see a gradual improvement in the World wide mission to be happy or at least have a laugh now and again. Please use the hand gel and bog roll that you have been hoarding, for just such a moment as this, before replying or reading this secret message again.