Heart Breaking....

[beryllium]

that a distressed mum and her autistic son are dead... I used to do care work for familys in need of support with special needs kids, the break it gave the mums and dads was essential....

one father, took his 2 autistic kids and himself, and killed them by exhaust fumes in a car.....why? because the demand for care from our charity far out weighed the amount of staff and time we had to give...

and.... social services? what service?.....

[Dolly1308]

She should have posed as a refugee she would then have received all the help she needed .God rest their souls .

[undercovers]

dolly I don't think this is the place for you casual racism.

It is very sad situation but the possible suicide may be unrelated to the childs mental health situations i doubt we will ever know for sure - but whatever the reason it is horrible that anyone should feel so desperate that they need to end their own and their childs life... i also feel desperately for the family left behind when these sort of things occur.

[Ethel]

Social services are in a no-win situation.

If they act they are interfering busibodies who should mind their own business, if they don't they are useless know nothings who need to experience life.

[Lonnie]

If this was in todays news, I haven't seen it yet, but it doesn'r suprise me, I know different handicaps warrent different types of help, as far as this particular one is concerned, it could be a few thinga culminating, eg, My daughter is Autistic, and speaking from experience of Social Services, the quality of service people like this father get, is relevent to how much the S/S want to spend.

I don't know if the article mentions anything about his private life, but, to give another example, we are friends with a couple who have two very mentally disturbed boys/teenagers, he is getting to the end of his tether, his wife won't countenance respite care under any circumstances, he is not getting any younger, he's spoken to me a few times about it, he's thought of leaving, but doesn't want to be seen to be just running away and abandoning them, he's been injured a few times by the younger of the two, so I can understand this fathers desperate action, without knowing the circumstances.

[Lonnie]

I think I made a mistake on the actual Item, but my comments still stand.

[beryllium]

having dealt with social services, some are helpful, they now do give money for you to find your own care, if approached, and you qualify. I also had the displeasure of working with unqualified staff, via social services care, and that included me taking one to task for not wearing gloves, before giving someone a bed bath!!!!! oh, she did put her gloves on.... how would she like it if it was her in that situation?

The stress these families go through is quite unimaginable, it is 24/7..... and some situations you will never be able to imagine..... unless you've seen it first hand......

[beryllium]

oh Lonnie, there must be a way to get her to agree to some respite, even just 24hrs and visiting.... even kids need a break.... and some of the respite homes have an awful lot of fun rooms for the kids.....

i know about the violence, i nearly got strangled by a 14yr old..... no eye contact with her or she attacked... but i could always feel her watching and i adored her!!! and watching Rosie and Jim endlessly kept her amused whilst mum went out for a couple of hours....

[horselady]

We have just been shocked at the story of a lady who died alone and was not found for 3 years, now this, what is going on, it's 2006 for Gods sake, people shouldn't have to go through this torment in a civilised country.

[sp1814]

Dolly

Serious question - what's wrong with you???

Here you have a tragic story about a woman who (from appearances and news reports) simply couldn't cope, and you use it for nasty, snide little digs at...at...refugees?

Seriously - what on earth is wrong with you? Have you no soul?

Please explain, because I'm shocked at your comment. It makes you sound...well, I'm sure you know how it makes you sound.

[ICEMANSAV]

taking the bait comes to mind.

[Lonnie]

beryllium, I agree, she would have at least been offered respite, how many days, I don't know, but again, it comes down to cost, in my case, we have 28 days a year, doesn't seem much, and in reality, its not, but there are so many deserving cases out there, and each one, myself included, think that theirs is the most deserving case.

Again, we don't know the ladies home circumstances, but in the case I cited, that woman, who I know personally, won't let her children go, even though it was offered, except, (and i've now read the article), what it says about her being depressed, and sometimes, believe me, you feel that there's know way out, even if the help is there, its never going to be enough, and what happens after you've gone, because, in spite of everything, and all parents would feel the same, except that with children like this, its forever, no-one can know them, or look after them like you can.

Sorry for going on a bit, but these thoughts, and others are what would have been going through this ladies mind, I know, they are with us constantly, and coupled with her depression, they make for a deadly combination.

[Lonnie]

Afraid i'm still here,

I have to agree with Ethel, there are good and bad, of course, but each case has to be looked at individually, and the ones that are passed over for more deserving cases, tend to blame S/S and say they are not doing their job.

Dolly, you should have explained your post, and maybe you wouldn't have been calles a racist. Believe me, i'm not a racist, but i've seen it, time and time again, where people have come into this country, with special needs, and you are passed over, in their favour, and thay haven't payed anything into the NHS, national taxes etc. It does happen.

[beryllium]

actually, on saying that, Lonnie, i did have a family like that.... 1 special needs, and the other one, just bunged in for the sake of it.........and there was nothing wrong with her....oh yeah, and there were 6 altogether!!! and some were old enough to take care of the family.... and as a whole unit, they should have been able to function quite easily....

i've cared for a CP child with a marvelous family, and 2 other kids aswell, to look after..... the woman was a marvel, and i stayed in contact with them and another family with downs.....

one family were still looking after their downs girl and she was...52!!! so we had mum and dad to look after aswell....

I miss them....

[Lonnie]

I can understand that sentiment beryllium, I know there are extremely difficult ones, but at the same time, when they give love, its 100% unreserved, they can be pure magic.

[Dolly1308]

sp1814 I said what I thought and no that does not make me racist.I stated facts and if you cannot handle the truth that is your problem .It appears you look for a racist attitude in everything and sometimes you think you have got lucky and found one but not this time .Now you come to mention it I do have something wrong with me e.g. high blood pressure,diabetes ,arthritis etc.etc. also an inability to understand people like you who THINK they know what other people are thinking or meaning ! Have a good day .

[Dolly1308]

undercovers I nearly missed answering you please refer yourself to my answer to sp1814 the same applies .I do not wish to make enemies on here but noone is going to take away my right to say what I think (not what anyone else thinks I,m thinking).I was not aware we had the Thought Police on here ! Have a nice day .

[Lonnie]

Its a crying shame that racism was brought into this thread, just as an aside, I don't think that Dolly was being racist, it was intentionally intrpreted that way.

[Dolly1308]

Thank you lonnie for seeing beyond the racist interpretation of my answer. Thank you also beryllium for the love and care you give to needy people ,we need more people like you ,once again thanks .

[Dolly1308]

lonnie all the best to you and your daughter I hope you get all the help you need when you need it ,my heart goes out to people like you who have been given such a challenge in life ,God speed .

[beryllium]

well, i'm glad that's been sorted!!! :-)

unfortunately, for me, i had to give up my care work, but.... there are some great carers out there for the charities, and it is a fantastic job!!!

I miss the fund raising too....

luv to you all...

B.