Terrorist Lovers

[ChampagneMan]

Please read the first answer.

[ChampagneMan]

Part I

A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the " Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will more than likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.

PleAse continue reading in answer Pt..II

[ChampagneMan]

Answer Part II

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless, in your opinion, this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure, in time, you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka.

Just remember that it is all part of " respecting his culture and his religious beliefs". Wasn't that how you put it ?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed, and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially,


your friend,

Donald Rumsfeld.

[jonnythebosh]

Brilliant, very amusing.

[Gromit]

Has the drivelbank.co.uk opened while I was away?

[admarlow]

ha ha thats great, I would love it if they really did it (ooh and maybe filmed it Big Brother style...)

[WaldoMcFroog]

Rather ******** timing on your part considering the fact that Bush has just backtracked on his previously stated position and has been forced to agree the Guantanamo captives do in fact have to be treated in accordance with the Geneva Convention, one of the key demands of the people this lazy piece is attempting to satirise...

[admarlow]

I think if a few Guardian reading, tofo eating loonie lefites (but still in the eyes of terrorists unholy enemy infidels and legitimate targets) were wardens in prison housing terrorists for a month, they may have a different view of these terrorists at the end. We dont (and rightly so) hear people bleeting about the rights of other non-muslim serial killers.

[jno]

the point about people in Guantanamo and other more secret locations is that they aren't necessarily serial killers; they're innocent until found guilty, same as you and me. That's why they have rights: because we do.

[jonnythebosh]

Its merely pointing out the hypocrisy of these idiots who complain about these peoples rights but would run a mile if they had to actually deal with them personally.
Its so easy being liberal froma distance isn't it ?

[ChampagneMan]

The point is that all these lil Miss. Oh! We're So Good at Protecting YOur Rights While You May Please Bomb Our Arses, activists, should know when to shut up and look after their own peoples interests. Imagine the treatment meted out to a European in a Terrorist Supporting country jail. Gives me the jitters!!

[sp1814]

Sorry - having a 'bimbo-moment' here - did that letter actually get sent (you know...like those stories where people get rude letters from the gas people and stuff), or is it a joke?

Yeah, I know...I'm a bit befuddled today.

[suffragette]

So ChampagneMan, are you suggesting the erosion of the rights of the individual and legal due process are secondary to the actions of our political leaders, as long as they argue they are acting in the public interest?

That is the kind of thinking that has renewed interest among radical Americans in the formation of militias' hostile to the increased centralisation of power in the USA.

[jake-the-peg]

I'm amazed at your depth of insight that you are so convinced that everyone in Guantanamo deserves to be there and wasn't just picked up and bundled into a truck by some grunt soldier.

Nobody right or left want's to release dangerous terrorists. There's just a few of us with the outrageous notion in our heads that Americans shouldn't just pick up anyone they feel like and imprison and torture them indefinately without trial.

Mad I know

[admarlow]

Could someone please tell me what possiable motivation the American government would have to just lock up random people, thay have much better things to do. Why do you all keep insisting that the UAS takes some joy in locking up innocents.

[ChampagneMan]

You silly silly foolish liberals!!!!!! When will you all ever learn? Possibly, when you all are six feet underground, courtesy of a peace loving, tolerant, and abbsolutely misunderstood, innocent Guataenmo Bay inmate.

[jno]

funny thing is suffragette, the ones who want everyone in prison executed before trial are so often the same ones compaining about how Tony Blair has eroded all our 'rights'. Contradiction, what contradiction?

[suffragette]

It's called the arrogance of power and political myopia, admarlow. We are all opposed to terrorists and want them dealt with appropriately, but we don't all feel the need to become paranoid furniture chewers and imagine terrorists under every turban or in every mosque.

[jake-the-peg]

The motivation is simply "the precautionary principal"

They pick up a load of people at a location they believe to be suspicious and nobody wants to take the responsibility for releasing them.

All you terrified right wing Mail readers are quaking behind your chintz curtains.

"Please Mr Rumsfld do whatever you like just don't let the nasty terrorists come and get me!"

When will you realise what happens when you let politicians scare you into ignoring the law?

When they start burning books? Maybe when people have to wear a yellow crescent moon on their clothes or will they have to write "Arbeit Macht Frei" on the gates at Guantanamo?

How far exactly will you let them go?

[admarlow]

answer my question, why do you claim that a government would lock up innocents , i bellive you are the paranoid one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[admarlow]

see above a nice example of paranoid conspiricy theorist liberals, why not right a book?