Man who burnt wife with iron escapes with pathetic fine

[AB Asks]

A man who beat his wife, slashed her foot with a knife and pressed a hot iron into her back twice has escaped with only a fine. He not escaped jail but he also didn't have to carry out any community work - as he is too busy with his job. The management consultant abused his wife for not making his sandwiches and not ironing his shirt. What do you think? Is this a strong enough deterrent for wife beaters? Women are encouraged to report violent partners but do punishments like this make it seem pointless as this man clearly has problems?

[Shadow Man]

His word against yours????

So the neighbours aren't witnesses then?

And medical evidence doesn't count in Somerset??

Why do they stay, an answer perhaps I will never find!!!!

[China Doll]

Shadow Man - I'm afraid there's lots of reasons why women (and men) stay with a partner who's physically hurting them and it is not quite as simple as them 'growing a back bone.' I mean, if it was, do you really think they'd stick around? Do you honestly think all the money in the world would make up for being a human punch bag?

Physical abuse usually goes hand in hand with emotional abuse.

So couple being beaten so badly that you can hardly stand for the pain but no one knows you're in pain cause you're so used to hiding it and besides, they'd never hit you where anyone could see the bruises and the fact that along with the bruises you will have been told how worthless you are, how you'd never make it alone, how they'll hunt you down, how no one will ever love them as much as you're loved now, how you deserve everything you get and you believe it because hey, you are letting this f ucker get away with doing this to you... Put both of that together; do you honestly think you'd have anything left to stand up and walk out? Just getting through the day would exhaust you.

It takes a massive amount of courage to leave an abusive relationship. It is nothing to do with 'growing a back bone.'

[johnlambert]

That sounds very familiar goodsoulette, there are many many <B/> ladies who have said exactly as you have just said. They seem to lack self confidence and think that they will never get another man, or perhaps they witnessed it in their parents relationship and thought that, that type of behaviour is "normal" in a relationship. Off course I'm not saying that this is the relationship enjoyed by your parents I hasten to add

[Oneeyedvic]

Whilst we know very little about the background to this case, the sentence does seem to lenient

[Shadow Man]

Sorry China, but you last two lines contradict themselves.

[someonesgirl]

well then maybe they should sort thenmselves out instead of feeling that they needed to be in arelationship with someone to be happy. If someone whacks you about......LEAVE. simple. however much you love someone, if they hit you then clearly they arent who you thought they were..........

[China Doll]

Apologies, it was a slight dig at your rather throw away 'growing a back bone' line. I'm sorry you didn't get that.

Did you have anything else to add?

[Gromit]

Curiously, the Judge is not mention by name, but William Featherby, who said this man was far too busy to go to jail appears to be extremely 'good', one of the best money can buy. Probably it was this man's 'skills' that resulted in a lenient sentence.

Here his his profile.

http://www.12kbw.co.uk/people/profile/id/46/

[Shadow Man]

China, why do you want to dig at me???

I have not condoned wife beating, nor belittled women. All I have said is they need to be a bit stronger and leave the abuse.

If I was abused in the home (granted, probably not physical but certainly a woman would be capable of emotional abuse {your term, not mine}, I would leave. Simple as that!!!

Why attempt to start an argument, when there is no need?

[China Doll]

I'm not attempting to start an arguement.

I'm answering your question as to why women stay in an abusive relationship.

The slight dig was really because I did take issue with the 'grow a back bone' line because I thought it was de-meaning for all the reasons I said in my first answer to you. I have apologised for that.

I asked if you had anything else to add because after everything I said, all you had to say were my last two lines contradicted themselves. I just wondered if you had any more questions.

[Gromit]

Please ignore my last post - it was rubbish.

[China Doll]

Resists urge to make a comment about Gromit's posts. Thinks she deserves a medal

[Pippa68]

To be fair Wardy, isn't the subservient woman your ideal?

There are many women who feel they deserve such treatment..having to make sure dinner is on the table and the shirts are ironed in case the husband goes mental. Having to give in to sexual demands at the drop of a hat etc.Such a controlling partner to deal with may only be a few steps away from receiving 'punishment' of some kind..and it goes on every day.

Yes, this person should have received a tougher punishment.

[Shadow Man]

Yes, I would like a subserviant woman, but I would not control her like that.

She would have a generous housekeeping allowance for the home and her, not work and lead a life of leisure.

I do not work, so would not expect a dinner at set times etc.

And as said, I would never raise a hand to her, apart from when she is over my knee and begging me to!!!

[Pippa68]

Ooooer. That's another thread, Captain :o)

[sp1814]

AB Editor - I've just realised...you're beginning to 'editorialise' your questions.

Shouldn't you be maintaining a degree of objectivity (even though I agree with the sentiments of your post)?

[ruby27]

I always wonder about the deterrent part.

I (and I assume most people) do not hit a partner because I do not consider that would be an appropriate way to behave within a relationship. It never occurs to me when I have the iron in my hand not to bring it down on them because I might get sanctioned anywhere from a fine to imprisonment.

Does anyone stop hitting thier partner, freind, family, complete stranger on the street, thinking gosh, what might be the sanction, oh rotting in a prison, oh well best stay my hand then.

I would have thought this man considered his behaviour appropriate to respond to her behaviour.

So I don't think a deterrent is necessary, just for a whole re construction around violence, relationships, identity and so on.

[bensmum]

Shadow - backbone has nothing to do with it. It is a horrible situation to be in and yes, like goodsoulette I am talking from first hand experience. I am an intelligent, educated person but I can't explain why I stayed in an abusive relationship except that I was ashamed that it was happening to me. When I finally got out my solicitor dsaid that this is pften the case with people like me - we tend to keep quiet and hide it.
China Doll has got it spot on.

[Shadow Man]

As I have said

"Why do they stay, an answer perhaps I will never find!!!!"

You had the free will to leave. You were not captive. That is what I do not understand. Ashamed??? you say. Surely there is more shame in having black eyes etc.

But I will never know, as I am not a woman (or an abused man!!)

I think my definition of "backbone" may differ from yours. I mean it as just say enough is enough. Get some self respect and leave.

Interesting point to consider though is the fact more working class women are abused statistically is the fact (as cited here) many complaints come via third party neighbors. The more middle class you are you (and dare I say contensiously) intelligent you are, the higher chance you will live in a detached property, hence nobody can hear you scream!!!!

As hidden figures suggest, marital/domestic abuse is fairly classless.