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Irish Inventions...
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A solar power touch.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A parachute that opens on impact.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
The biggest microchip in the world.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A helicopter with an eject seat.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A cement life jacket.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A spacesuit with air holes in.
Whats the latest Irish sales deal ?
A bungi jump - no strings attached.
Did you see that sign in that irish shop's window ?
It read: WANTED ; Boy to trace gas leaks by candle light,
must be willing to travel.
A solar power touch.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A parachute that opens on impact.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
The biggest microchip in the world.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A helicopter with an eject seat.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A cement life jacket.
What is the latest Irish invention ?
A spacesuit with air holes in.
Whats the latest Irish sales deal ?
A bungi jump - no strings attached.
Did you see that sign in that irish shop's window ?
It read: WANTED ; Boy to trace gas leaks by candle light,
must be willing to travel.
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How many people owe their lives to this?
http://www.patents.com/us-4023573.html
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http://www.patents.com/us-4023573.html
There are of course lots of Irish jokes which let me tell you the Irish laugh at as well. I think the truth is that a lot of it is down to the way they look at things. This is a true story, we used to have '' Clippies'' on the buses in Birmingham many years ago to collect the fares & my brother was waiting for a bus when two drew up together, he went to get on the first bus & the Irish Clippie said to him '' The bus behind is the one in front''. You can't get any more Irish than that.
Ron.
Ron.
-- answer removed --
In Ireland Ive always heard them as kerrymen jokes!
A Kerryman went to insure his car and paid €20 to have it insured against fire.
"For €10 more sir", said the agent, "you can insure it against theft also".
"That would be a waste of money", said the Kerryman, "who would want to steal a
burning car?"
Did you hear about the Kerryman who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
A Kerryman went to insure his car and paid €20 to have it insured against fire.
"For €10 more sir", said the agent, "you can insure it against theft also".
"That would be a waste of money", said the Kerryman, "who would want to steal a
burning car?"
Did you hear about the Kerryman who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
Some Kerry Inventions
(i) A Kerry baker once invented a new kind of yeast that made bread so light that a pound of it weighed only twelve ounces.
(ii) A Kerry doctor invented a cure for which there was no known disease.
(iii) A Kerry scientist invented the world's strongest glue. The only trouble was, he couldn't get the top off the bottle.
(iv) Another Kerryman invented a new pill which was a certain cure for loss of memory. Unfortunately he could never remember what it was for.
(i) A Kerry baker once invented a new kind of yeast that made bread so light that a pound of it weighed only twelve ounces.
(ii) A Kerry doctor invented a cure for which there was no known disease.
(iii) A Kerry scientist invented the world's strongest glue. The only trouble was, he couldn't get the top off the bottle.
(iv) Another Kerryman invented a new pill which was a certain cure for loss of memory. Unfortunately he could never remember what it was for.
from an Irish friend,
Irish Medical Dictionary
The Irish have the lowest stress rate
because they do not take medical terminology seriously ...
Medical Term
Irish Definition
Artery
The study of paintings
Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria
Barium
What doctors do when patients die
Benign
What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section
A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scan
Searching for Kitty
Cauterize
Made eye contact with her
Colic
A sheep dog
Coma
A punctuation mark
Dilate
To live long
Enema
Not a friend
Fester
Quicker than someone else
Fibula
A small lie
Impotent
Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain
Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane
Morbid
A higher offer
Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node
I knew it
Outpatient
A person who has fainted
Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative
A letter carrier
Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery
Rectum
Nearly killed him
Secretion
Hiding something
Seizure
Roman Emperor
Tablet
A small table
Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport
Tumour
One plus one more
Urine
Opposite of you're out
Irish Medical Dictionary
The Irish have the lowest stress rate
because they do not take medical terminology seriously ...
Medical Term
Irish Definition
Artery
The study of paintings
Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria
Barium
What doctors do when patients die
Benign
What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section
A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scan
Searching for Kitty
Cauterize
Made eye contact with her
Colic
A sheep dog
Coma
A punctuation mark
Dilate
To live long
Enema
Not a friend
Fester
Quicker than someone else
Fibula
A small lie
Impotent
Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain
Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane
Morbid
A higher offer
Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node
I knew it
Outpatient
A person who has fainted
Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative
A letter carrier
Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery
Rectum
Nearly killed him
Secretion
Hiding something
Seizure
Roman Emperor
Tablet
A small table
Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport
Tumour
One plus one more
Urine
Opposite of you're out
-- answer removed --
weren't there Irish landowners too, sorry i forget. Going on a number of geneaology sites i have looked at, both sides of my family came from Ireland some time ago, so i have no idea if they were turfed out, and came to England as a result, or came because England offered work, i doubt if they were landed gentry.
-- answer removed --
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