Must be time for some puns?

[sidkid]

Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches,
they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that
people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of
course, is the origin of the expression -- "He who has a Tate's is lost!"

[marval]

I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like.

The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear.

I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose.

You can probably guess the rest.

I was arrested for striking a happy medium.

[notasyoungasiwas]

Oh dear sid ...

[sidkid]

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates,
the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million
dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the
king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you
are."

[notasyoungasiwas]

Groan

[sidkid]

Come on Notasyoung try posting something amusing - go on - just the once maybe - if you can that is....

[Frank97]

Lol, excellant Sid and Marval, made me smile. :-)

[marval]

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.

Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.

[sidkid]

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."

[puternut]

On one of the Pacific islands all of the Kings palace is made of glass - even the roof. The current king has deviloped a new hobby of collecting old thrones and to date he has managed to get a collection of 20.

As you are aware you can only be on one throne at a time and so the other 19 had to be stowed away while they are not in use. They decided to keep all these on the roof of the palace.

All was well until the king got his 21st throne and had to put another one on the roof and, being made of glass, it naturally cracked and broke and came crashing dowm

THE MORAL : People in glasshouses shouldn't stow thrones

[notasyoungasiwas]

Heck sid I didn't think you'd take me that seriously. I love the jokes section and often find it extremely funny. Not too good at jokes myself.

[marval]

There's this Wizard who worked in a factory.

Everything was satisfactory except that miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot.

This continued until he put up the following sign:

"This parking space belongs to the Wizard. ... Violators will be toad."

[sidkid]

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that.... the squaw
of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
hides.

[bigbadmarty]

Two men were inside an old cattle shed ; the older one sighed " I used to really love agricultural equipment "
The younger one replied " can you get rid of that awful smell ? "
" Why ask me ? " said the puzzled old man .
" You said you were an ex tractor fan....."

[sidkid]

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.."

[bigbadmarty]

sidkid you are too good at this i'm rofl

[sidkid]

Flattery will get you everywhere ;-)

[sidkid]

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a
fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled

[zebo]

Sidkid, re Pythagoras pun, I had a pain in the rearend pupil who always said Harry Potters pubes for hypotenuse, I could never teach it and keep a straight face!

[marval]

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

[sidkid]

Good for him (and you) - hope you nurtured his little spark of humour - too many dull kids about!