One Liners

[maggiebee]

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people. . Others have no imagination whatsoever.

I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.

The next person who says “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity” will learn that it’s not my fist but the impact.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

If you don’t believe in oral $ex, keep your mouth shut.

Today, I’ll be cleaning. And by cleaning I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.

If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.

Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

As a young child my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out the police call this “Identity Theft”.

Do I know any jokes about Sodium Hypobromite? NaBrO

[starone]

Good ones maggie. lol.

[Kiki-frog]

I particularly approve of the cleaning one.

[marval]

I like them

[Infomaniac]

Very good.

[ll_billym]

Love the one about the Pope.

[AliceTickband]

I have just read 'the history of super glue.' I couldn't put it down.

[Mick-Talbot]

Start my new job as an assassin next week .....

I'll make a killing