A Man Walks Into A Bar

[excelsior-1]

with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''           

[maggiebee]

Groan

[Mick-Talbot]

Two woodworm walk into a bar. One of them asks ..........,

"Is the bar tender here?"

[baza]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

[RATTER15]

Two blondes walk into a bar, you would have thought one would have seen it!!

[Sqad]

A man walks into a bar and sees two fat birds chatting in what he thinks is a Scottish accent.

"Are you two birds from Scotland?"

Wales one replies.

"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

[DTCwordfan]

A woman walked into an English pub and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

[DTCwordfan]

An Irishman walks past a bar.

[DTCwordfan]

Three men walk into a bar, all with beards and wearing turbans.
The barman says "what is this, some kind of Sikh joke?"

[BongoFury]

A n engishman, an irishman and a scotsman, walk into a bar, barman says is this some kind of joke

[Baldric]

Grooaaaan!

[cupid04]

You give us a joke then Baldric?

[albaqwerty]

We all know about the horse who walks in a bar, so I won't bother with that.

A man walks into a bar and says 'ouch'

[mallyh]

a white horse walks into a bar barman says we have a whisky named after you the horse says what eric

[Mick-Talbot]

Sorry Dr Who we don't serve time travelers in here

[humbersloop]

Bloke walks into a bar carrying a small lizard. He says to the barman pint for me and a half for Tiny here.

Barman says right o mate - as a matter of interest, why do you call it Tiny?
And the bloke says 'cos he's my newt.

[DTCwordfan]

A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus.

He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.

Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager£50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can'’t play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.

Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis. This guy pays his £50.

Then a Scots woman à la alba, hands over a set of bagpipes.

The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.

"Ha," alba says. "Can ye no play it?" T

The Octopus looks at her and says: "Play it? I'’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pyjamas off..."

[cupid04]

A man walks into a bar with a packet of peanuts on his head.
The barman says why have you got a packet of peanuts on your head?
The man said because you've run out of crisps!

[Mick-Talbot]

Dr Who walks into a bar.

[humbersloop]

..there's always the one about the dyslexic genie and the twelve inch pianist..

[albaqwerty]

LOL DT x

Can anyone remember the one about the dancing duck on an upturned biscuit tin? I recall some of it but not enough to post.