Where Have You Been?...

[Jemisa]

A Man's wife asks him to go to thecorner shop to buy some cigarettes. So he
walks down to the shop only to find it closed. So he goes into a
nearby pub to use the vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They
have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up
in her nearby flat.. After they've had their fun, he realises its 3AM and
says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me.
Have you got
any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he
proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty p!ssed off.
"Where the hell have you been?!?!" "Well, sweetheart its like this.
I went
to the corner shop like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the
bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there
and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in
bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands
are covered with powder and...

"You Bl00dy Liar!!! You went bowling again didn't you?!"

[VHG]

>>>>So he goes into a nearby pub to use the vending machine.

Mr Pedantic..but cigarette vending machines have been banned in pubs since 2011.

[Jemisa]

I think we all know that VHG (or Mr Pedantic) try to use your memory, its not mentioned its a 2013 joke. Doh!

jem.

[tonyav]

Good job it wasn't a condom machine Jem !.

[MichaelZZ]

Reminds me of a true story involving a friend of mine. He went to a "Gentlemen's Evening" which got a little - how shall we say? - out of hand. As he staggered from the bus stop to his house he realised that his hands smelled of baby oil. As he walked down his drive he gave his hands a good rub on the leaves of his privet hedge and, for good measure, rubbed some on his face and neck as well. As he was crawling into bed his wife said, "And what time do you call this then?. Where have you been til now? Gawd! you smell of privet!"
To which he replied, "Thank goodness for that!"

[excelsior-1]

"phew!!"

good one, Jem

[Jemisa]

Michael thats Great. :)

jem