Jokes As Old As The Hills

[whiskeryron]

Did you hear about the Barmaid who pulled the wrong knob & got stout ?

My ex girlfriend's address
Miss Mary Likes
The Old Cock Inn
Tillett
Herts.

There was an old man of Devizes
Who was brought up before the Assizes
For teaching young boys
Matrimonial joys
And giving out condoms
As prizes.

There was a young man of Devizes
Whose b*lls were of two different sizes
One was so small it weighed nothing at all
But the other one won several prizes

There once was a young girl from Gloucester
Whose parents thought they had lost her
All they found in the grass
Were the marks of her a*se
And the knees of the bloke who had crossed her.

She stood on the bridge at midnight
Her heart was all a'quiver
She gave a cough
Her leg fell off & floated down the river.

WR.

[Canary42]

Variation on the Gloucester one :-

There was a young girl from Calcutta
Who peeped through a hole in a shutter
But all she could see
Was a woman's bare knee
And the a*se of the bloke who was up her.

[Arksided]

There was a young man from Bolloshum
who took out his b0ll0cks to wash 'em

His wife said Jack, you'd best put 'em back
before I sit on the bugg*rs and squash 'em

[marval]

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a pen!s so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

[tonyav]

LOL, some good ones here.

[Kiki-frog]

An Argentine gaucho called Bruno
Said, 'There is one thing I do know
A woman is fine,
And a boy is divine,
But a llama es numero uno!'

[maggiebee]

Variation on first one:

Miss Mary Keeps
Cockwell Inn
Tillit
Wilts

[Kiki-frog]

There was a young lady from Norway
Who swung from her toes in a doorway.
She said to her man,
'Get off that divan
Cos I think that I've just found one more way.'

[daftgrandad]

There was a young man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
Shoots of grass came out of his $rse
And his b*lls were covered in weeds.

[marval]

There once was a man named McGill,
Whose acts grew exceedingly ill,
He insisted on habits,
involving white rabbits,
and a bird with a flexible bill.

[marval]

There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.

[vulcan42]

There was an old queer from Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room
They spent most of the night
as to who had the right
to do what,with what, to whom.

[tonyav]

LOL, getting daring now.

[marval]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who had scenes of old England tattooed
Her Boyfriend, one day
went the whole Penine Way
With Cheddar Gorge still to be viewed

[marval]

A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball
The square of his weight
Times his ***, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call

[tonyav]

Aw, some have been removed.

[chaptazbru]

^ not surprised (lol).

[marval]

Mine have stayed, I am surprised.

[tonyav]

So am I. ;-)