Have A Laugh

[marval]

I followed this white bird with really long legs home the other night.
Police are doing me for storking.


As a Kid I hated losing, so I played with myself.


If you ever get attacked by a tiger just throw moisturiser cream at him.
Blocks the paws.


I just bought a new pair of gloves, or so I thought. One of them is second hand.


I've just booked an appointment with the new German barber.
Herr Cut


I texted my husband today saying "I love u".
He replied "Oh, really? :)"
And I said "Yes, it's my favourite vowel".


My mum told me it's about high time I grew up and become independent
I nearly choked on her breast milk!


What do you get when you cross a cow with an Arab?
Milk Sheikh


I used to be a safe driver, but I gave it up.
After all, who wants to drive a safe?


My husband just said that he wants to try out swinging.
That's fine, just as long as he doesn't expect me to be the one pushing.


I tried texting with gloves and I just couldn't do it so I went back to texting with a phone.


As a student nurse I had little money for meals so I ate the awful food provided at the hospital canteen. I often took my break in the ward kitchen and sometimes kindly visitors would hand in treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them. One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said, ' Would you eat this up, love. '
The pie was absolutely delicious, full of meat with a light golden pastry; I ate it in next to no time.
Soon the woman returned and said, ' Is me 'usbands pie 'ot enough yet? '

[tonyav]

Liked them, marval.

[Old_Geezer]

I'm sure he's used to you not pushing.

[jim360]

Who wants to drive a safe? Who wants to ride one! (I'm looking at your avatar marval...)

[Fanriffic]

Yet again marval you compile more funny jokes. These are great.
Better than the last lot. Tee hee. :o)
Where do you get them - website or friends?

[marval]

I get them from both Fanriffic, I pinch some from a forum I chat on. There is website where some of them come from.