Shopping

[marval]

I went into my local newsagents and I saw that he had put up a big sign saying, "NO READING IN THIS SHOP"
I grabbed 4 bars of chocolate, took them to the counter and said, "Which of these is the Dairy milk?"


Welcome to your IKEA interview.
Please build yourself a chair and sit down.


I am very experienced in the bedroom department. I have worked at the one in IKEA for the last 20 years.


My wife was ill so I had to do the shopping for the first time ever. She said, "You'll need a shopping trolley. They're outside by the entrance. You have to put a pound in to release them."
I went to the entrance, put my pound in, and pushed it into the store.
I got some funny looks, but I enjoyed hearing Postman Pat's theme tune as I pushed his van round the shop.


I went down the local green grocers today and asked for three pounds of Potatoes.
The guy shook his head "Its kilo's nowadays mate"
"Oh, Three pounds of Kilos then please"


I was in the supermarket earlier today looking to buy some salted peanuts, but all they had was unsalted.
I mean, that’s just plain nuts.


Told the wife I had bought her something black, plastic and 8 inches long for her birthday.
The look on her face when she unwrapped a new roll of bin bags.


My Butcher is selling meat on hire purchase.
But you have to have a joint account.


I work in a tailors, today a man came in and insisted I sell him the material, tools and pattern for his outfit and refused to let me measure him and make it up for him.
I thought, suit yourself.


They have just opened up a Polish shop in town, now I am no business expert but restricting yourself to selling just Mr. Sheen & Pledge is asking for trouble.


You can get all sorts of stuff on the Amazon website. I even came across a lost tribe the other day.


Went shopping with my wife to IKEA at the weekend. Soon after entering I saw a woman staring at me, she kept winking and smiling at me, and as soon as my wife went off to look at kitchen fittings, she came up to me.
Seductively she asked, "Monogamy is not for everyone"
I replied, "I agree... I think the beech units would look much better"


A man walks into a butchers and asks, "Do you have a sheep’s head?"
The butcher says, "No, it's just the way I comb my hair."


I love to go window-shopping at the weekend.
Just picked up a nice double glazed one.

[maggiebee]

Brilliant, have passed on. Thanks marval

[marval]

Glad you liked it Maggie.

[tonyav]

Some crackers there, marval.

[excelsior-1]

..and the marval machine rolls on

[Fanriffic]

Fan-bloody-tastic.
:o)

Ha Ha - Really funny. I've nicked a few to pass on.