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I went to the record shop and I said ‘What have you got by The Doors?’ He said: ‘A bucket of sand and a fire blanket!’
Two peanuts were walking through a rough neighbourhood and one of them was a salted.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered in chocolate sauce; Police think that he topped himself.
How do you make antifreeze? Hide her cardigan.
If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving probably isn’t for you.
Apparently overheard in a United Nations toilet; ‘urination of strange people’.
My grandfather was shrewd; people threw small mammals at him ‘till he suffocated.
To some people, marriage is a word, to others, it’s a sentence.
It’s better to love a short person than not a tall.
My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Smokers are the same as everyone else; just not as long.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Two goldfish were in a tank. One says to the other: ‘How do we drive this thing?’
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