Please Do Not
A policeman in London last night pulled over a driver who'd been weaving in and out of the traffic. He approached the car window and said, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser."
The man reached into his pocket and produced a doctor's note. On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath."
The officer said, "OK then; I need you to come and give a blood sample."
The man produced another letter. This one read: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way."
So the police officer said, "Right, I need a urine sample then."
The man produced a third letter from his pocket. It read, "This man plays rugby for Ireland. Please don't take the piss out of him."