News20 mins ago
Three
An old couple are on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a little present on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get me a tissue."
The husband replies.
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
The woman was in court petitioning for a divorce. The judge said: "It says in the papers that your attorney filed, that you're divorcing your husband on the grounds that he's an uncouth slob. Can you give me an example?"
"Yes, your Honour", replied the wife. "Whenever we go out, he always drinks with his pinkie sticking out"
"Well madam, there's nothing wrong with that habit, in fact, it's considered good manners in some circles to drink with the little finger sticking out" comments the judge.
"But your honour" replied the woman, "I wasn't talking about his finger"
Two men are having a conversation.
Jim says, "Sorry Bill, I have to go to the Chemist.
I have to pick up some patches for my wife. She's Quitting smoking today."
"Oh okay, well, good luck to her!" Bill said.
"Well it is really lucky me," grinned Jim.
"I told her to let me know any time she has an urge to put something in her mouth to suck on."
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get me a tissue."
The husband replies.
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
The woman was in court petitioning for a divorce. The judge said: "It says in the papers that your attorney filed, that you're divorcing your husband on the grounds that he's an uncouth slob. Can you give me an example?"
"Yes, your Honour", replied the wife. "Whenever we go out, he always drinks with his pinkie sticking out"
"Well madam, there's nothing wrong with that habit, in fact, it's considered good manners in some circles to drink with the little finger sticking out" comments the judge.
"But your honour" replied the woman, "I wasn't talking about his finger"
Two men are having a conversation.
Jim says, "Sorry Bill, I have to go to the Chemist.
I have to pick up some patches for my wife. She's Quitting smoking today."
"Oh okay, well, good luck to her!" Bill said.
"Well it is really lucky me," grinned Jim.
"I told her to let me know any time she has an urge to put something in her mouth to suck on."
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