True Aviation Funnies 2

[Slapshot]

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, 12 or 13 times in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."
________________________________________

While taxiing at London's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control
communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

[237SJ]

I love these stories but I hate to say that BA don`t fly 747s to Frankfurt - the 747 is a long haul aircraft. There are a million apocryphal stories that circulate in the airline world and most of them are fiction.

[tamborine]

That is sooo bad re FFurt but left me squealing lol

[Slapshot]

.......But I know they used to fly JFK New York direct to Frankfurt...been there got that T shirt

[237SJ]

Well, that must have been an awfully long time ago - 30 years or more?

[237SJ]

Thinking about it - they probably didn`t have traffic rights. Are you sure it was Ba?

[Slapshot]

Probably would have been in my late teens

[237SJ]

It must have been an American airline. British airlines couldn`t fly direct from the US to other points within Europe. They had to go via London.