Christmas Cracker Jokes

[Fanriffic]

I think I'm coming down with this new Christmas cold that's going around.
It started with my Tinsillitis.

What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle.

Ho ho ho.

[marval]

What's Santa's favourite Pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

[scorpiojo]

What's round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle.

[elliemay1]

Why has Santa got 3 back gardens?
So that he can go ho ho ho

[marval]

Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

[elliemay1]

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow

[tonyav]

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

[marval]

What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?

He gives them the sack.

[elliemay1]

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

[Patsy33]

Yule log on here and forget all about your seasonal ills!

[elliemay1]

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!

[marval]

Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting?

Because they always drop their needles.

[elliemay1]

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger!

[scorpiojo]

What's the most popular Christmas wine?
I don't like sprouts.

[elliemay1]

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

[marval]

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet.

[elliemay1]

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

[elliemay1]

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?

Nice gnawing you!

[marval]

How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?

You've got three extra hoes.

[elliemay1]

What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show!

[marval]

How do snowmen get around?

By riding an ‘icicle.