Potato!

[Voltage]

My mate hates his surname, Potato.
Although not as much as his wife, Jackie does.

Went for a job as a potato packer..
Ended up getting the sack.

Keep your jacket potatoes wrapped in tin foil at home.
These are a welcome consolation if your house burns down.

Two potatoes in an oven..
One says, "It's hot in here"
The other replies, "Take your jacket off then"

Got caught stealing a leg of lamb from the supermarket.
The security guard said, "What are you doing with that?"
I replied, "Potaoes, peas and gravy would be nice"

[albaqwerty]

The Russians sent up a potato satellite called Spudnik.

[maggiebee]

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? Anybody can mash potatoes.

[Voltage]

lol

[albaqwerty]

^^^ LOL !!!

[Patsy33]

What's a potatoes favorite horror movie?
The Silence of the Yams.

[Arksided]

A potato went on the run, it had no chance as it was chipped.

[Patsy33]

A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit.

[albaqwerty]

wasn't their first hit 'Eye'll be seeing you' ?

[Arksided]

It doesn't sound a peeling.

[Patsy33]

^^^^
Yes it might have been Albs. Wasn't the band called The Maris Pipers?

[albaqwerty]

they recorded The Monster Mash, Patsy :-D

[Arksided]

Did they have an album called 'no Jacket required'.

[Bazile]

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to jump into boiling water?

A hesi-tater.

[DTCwordfan]

What's an Irish seven-course meal? A six-pack of Guinness or Murphys and a potato.

[DTCwordfan]

One for boaty.... What are the three main Irish food groups?

Potatoes, beer, and whiskey

[DTCwordfan]

One day two potatos, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured potato called 999 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.

The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery (God help him if it was at Treliske and the gastrics in control - or likely not in control).

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured potato, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

[marval]

Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.

[Shaglene]

A Scotsman, an Englishman and Paddy were asked only one question to get a job. “Which is the odd one out between a cabbage, a potato and a knife.” The Scotsman and the Englishman both said the knife because the other two are vegetables. Paddy said the cabbage was the odd one out because you can make chips with other two......