I am having some prosthetic toes fitted tomorrow. New changes are afoot.
I attempted to sabotage the World Fencing Championship recently, but I was foiled.
My friend has just set up a new haulage company in exporting snails Les Cargo.
What do you call an Arab who campaigns for adolescents? A pro-teen sheikh.
Someone has been stealing from my Charles Bronson collection. Whoever it is, they have got a death wish.
I had an interview today with DFS and was told to take a seat when I arrived. Don’t get me wrong now, it is a great seat and looks well in my kitchen, but I would have preferred a job.
My friend plays the violin and he makes me hold up the music sheets while he plays. I am sick of doing it, so now I am making a stand.
What do you call a Russian electrician? Switchitonanov.
What do you call a tall bloke from Baghdad? The high Iraqi.
My new furniture polish smells like fish. That’s the last time I’m buying Mr Mussel.
When I was teaching a class of 9/10 years olds we were making clay figures but one lad was having problems with his. In a very deadpan voice he said 'You've heard of Andropov Miss, this is his brother, Eaddropov'. Odd how odd things stick with you many years later.