A vicar rang the council and said "I have just looked out of my window and there is a dead donkey in the field! The lady at the council replied "I thought it was the job of the clergy to bury the dead" The vicar replied "I was merely informing the next of kin"
A letter to the local council:
'' I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.''