It's The Way I Tell Em

[Rondy]

I was in Tesco earlier, and I said to the checkout lady, "This has got today's date on it love. Can I get something knocked off?"

She said, "Do you want the flipping newspaper or not?
________________

I went out with my metal detector this morning, and ended up digging a hole 23 feet deep before realising I was wearing steel toe-cap boots!
_______________
My wife asked me, "Shall we go bowling or stay at home?"

I replied, "I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
________________
Psychiatrist: "What is the problem?"

Client: "I am terrified of the sea."

Psychiatrist: "How often do you feel this way?"

Client: "It comes in waves."
_________________