More Funnies

[Rondy]

I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe!"
She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging you on the coffee table!"

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I work all hours every bloody week to provide a great Christmas for the kids. And what happens? Some fat *** with a beard gets all the credit...
Still, my fault for marrying her I suppose!

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The Irish bobsleigh team at the Winter Olympics are refusing to race until the course has been gritted!

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I hear there's a French nobleman, who has become very wealthy by investing in gravy granules.
He's the Count of Monte Bisto.

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I am overjoyed! Soon I will be able to payoff all my loans and at last be debt free.
I'm on my way to the bank, thrilled to know that in a very short while I will finally have all the money I need to begin enjoying life for once.
I am so excited I can hardly get my ski mask on!"

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I'm Sick & tired of hearing these Olympic athletes say how much work they've put in & the sacrifices they've made...
What do they want? A bloody medal?

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My wife asked if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I replied, "I didn't even know he played cricket!"

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I’ve just had a friends request from Quasi Modo. I don’t know him but the name rings a bell.

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Nice to see ASDA employing pensioners.
I saw an elderly guy rounding up the trollies today...
...he must have been pushing 70!

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